How do you know if someone likes you, wants to date more often, or wants to be the only one? Ask the person… tactfully.
Step 1. Decide exactly what you want to talk about and why
Think about what you want to happen in the future, and avoid thinking about past mistakes.
- Focus on the current situation, not the past.
- Try not to talk too much - explain what you feel and why.
- Lastly, say what you would like to see in the future. After that, answer any questions they ask you.
- It may help if you write down what you want to say before talking to that person. If you are convinced that the words do not come out, put your words in a letter - edited more than once before delivering it - and deliver it personally to that person. It is most effective if you wait for the other person to read the letter so that you can answer any questions. A good measure is: Good news in letters, bad news in person.
Step 2. Pick a time and place where both of you are relaxed and intimate - preferably in private
If you are afraid of rejection or a strong reaction to your question, make the appointment in a public place, such as a cafe, where the two of you can sit and chat without interruption.
Turn off your cell phone, as you can interrupt the conversation
Step 3. Ask the question and be honest
It is very important to keep the other person's feelings in mind, but don't make up stories just to ease the question.
- Ask the question based on how you perceive the facts.
- Ask an open question - that is, that the other person can answer without ending the conversation.
- Ask the question with kindness and respect.
Step 4. Be careful not to scare the other person, or to be too emotional
Avoid acting like your life depends on the answer he gives you. This is especially important if the relationship is new. It is not attractive at all, and it will make you look desperate or unstable. (Even if you are, don't show it.) If you are very melodramatic, you run the risk of complicating things further and making them less obvious. Likewise, don't be too fake in an effort to hide your feelings. Just be honest.
For example, if you want to ask if someone is interested in you, ask it head-on, but avoid being melodramatic
Step 5. Be casual
Don't put too much pressure on the other person. You want the other person to be honest, even if their response is not what you want to hear, it is better to know what they really feel, so that you can adjust your plans accordingly, and move forward wisely.
For example, if you ask someone if they want a more serious relationship, and the other person does not want to, even if they disappoint you, it is better to know so that in the future it will not be more painful
Step 6. Be confident and direct
Don't hide behind a bush. The ability to ask sensitive questions directly demonstrates your maturity.
If you need time to calm down, or avoid getting too sentimental, say you are going to the bathroom, take a few minutes and take a deep breath
Step 7. Listen well to the other person when they answer you
Make a genuine effort to understand their responses. Look that person in the eye. This shows that you care what they think.
- Don't lecture, or try to change the other person's response. You should assume that they are answering you honestly.
- Allow the other person to share what they feel - listen to them.
- Be patient. Many people will want to tell you things, but they will need to fight their own ego in order to do so.
- Don't interrupt the other person, talk until you're sure he's finished.
Step 8. Prepare to commit
If the other person doesn't want to answer what you asked, try to find a middle ground. If you don't want to do something, ask yourself what other ways you can find the solution:
For example, if the other person doesn't want to take dance classes 5 days a week, maybe you could try once or twice
- Stay calm all the time.
- If you don't get the answer you wanted, it's not the end of the world, and if you remain calm and honest, you will find that you have a good conversation, where you learned something valuable, even if it was not what you expected.
- Look the other person in the eye. Eye contact is important to give the other person a sense of sincerity and connection.
Having an important conversation when you (or the other person) are in the following situations is dangerous, and will surely go wrong:
- If you are not cognitively or emotionally ready.
- If you are tired, hungry or irritable.
- If you are stressed.
- If you are physically uncomfortable, such as very cold or hot.
- If you are intoxicated.
- If you are going to offer criticism, don't attack the other person's character; That will put her in a defensive position, and they won't get anywhere. Instead, focus on their actions and what you would rather say, for example, "Can we hold hands in public?" It is better than saying "You never hold my hand, you are a very closed person!"