Unrequited or rejected feelings can cause pain. If your heart was broken, you probably want to find a way to get rid of those unwanted feelings quickly. While you won't be able to fully control how you feel, you can take steps to gain perspective and move on. Try to keep busy during the aftermath so that you keep those unwanted thoughts away until you are ready to deal with things. Once you are ready to deal with the pain, try to work with your emotions. Acknowledge that you are in pain, but don't try to take the rejection personally. In time you will be able to move on. Temporarily stop talking to the guy you like and seek support from friends and family.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Keeping Unwanted Thoughts Away
Step 1. Stay busy all the time
When it comes to heartbreak, distraction can help. Consider getting involved in a new hobby after the rejection. Make an effort to stay busy during the day. If you don't keep busy, chances are you'll start to meditate and have negative thoughts about the guy and yourself.
- Get involved in hobbies that you enjoy. If you're interested in knitting, start a new knitting project. If you are one of the people who prefers outdoor activities, get involved in hiking.
- Try to stay busy with a hobby for most of the day when you have nothing to do. When you are likely to start having nagging thoughts, find something to do. If you're awake at night wondering what went wrong and why, read a book instead or listen to a multimedia syndication on your phone.
Step 2. Join a class
Meeting new people and exploring new activities can also keep you busy. Consider joining a class and participating in activities in your community. Visit a local community center and see what they offer. For example, an activity like a cooking class can help you expand your social circle and make new friends. A new social circle can keep the guy who rejected you out of your mind. In time what you feel for him will fade.
Step 3. Get away from your feelings
You will not be able to completely control or eliminate your feelings. However, changing the way you think about your inner feelings can help you get away from them a bit. Try to think of your feelings as a third part rather than a part of yourself. This can help you get some distance.
- Think of your feelings as a meddlesome third party continually interrupting your thoughts and emotions. For example, if you have a good day and suddenly unwanted thoughts arise, think something like: "Here comes that force that bothers me again."
- This may feel weird at first; however, with a little practice, you can do it almost unconsciously. It can give you adequate distance from your emotions, allowing you to move on.
Step 4. Make feelings of rejection become an art
Heartbreak can be a major inspiration for artistic pursuits. If you are already an artistic person by nature, express your heartbreak in your work. If you've never had a particularly artistic inclination before, view heartbreak as an opportunity to try your hand at something like painting, drawing, or writing.
- Write about unrequited love. If you are a musician, poet, or some other type of writer, rejection can lead to a great poem, song, or story.
- Paint or draw. Many people who think in more abstract terms find that painting or drawing feelings helps to cope.
- Find some form of art that feels natural to you and let your frustrations and heartbreak act as your muse.
Step 5. Try to go on a casual date
It can be difficult to find a serious relationship when you are recovering from a loss. However, casual dating can be helpful. Going on a few casual dates can help you feel attractive and wanted again. This could make your feelings of loss less painful.
- Ask your friends to meet you with someone. Your friends might know someone who is in a similar situation and who is looking to date lightly and casually.
- You can also try online dating if you feel comfortable. Just be sure to meet a new romantic partner in a public place before meeting in a private place.
- You can also go to a social event alone and try to flirt with a stranger.
Part 2 of 3: Coping with your feelings
Step 1. Accept the pain
Once you are ready to deal with your feelings, accept that you are in pain. Rejection hurts everyone and you won't be able to ignore the pain indefinitely. Spend some time accepting that you are hurt and dealing with negative feelings instead of ignoring them.
- Accept that you have been hurt and take care of yourself. Give yourself time to cry. Try to be nice to yourself. Give yourself a gift, for example a long walk alone or a relaxing bath.
- Don't expect too much of yourself too soon. You may feel sad and depressed for a while. That would be very normal. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to lift your spirits. Give yourself time to cry.
Step 2. Recognize that you are not alone
Sometimes it can help to know that other people have been in a similar situation. Most people, at some point in their lives, will have unrequited feelings for another person. Try to remember that your situation is common and that other people have been through it and moved on.
- That can help you reach out to others. If you know someone who was hurt in a similar way, talk to him or her.
- Talking to older family members can also help. Many people when they were younger faced unrequited romances. Try to reach out to older people to you.
Step 3. Don't take rejection personally
Easier said than done; however, you will need to take steps not to take the rejection personally. Just as you will not be able to control how you feel, neither can the boy. Enough love and attraction comes down to subjective and very personal preferences. Just because you are not the right person for that person, it doesn't mean that you are not the right one for someone else.
- If you find yourself meditating on the reason for the rejection, remind yourself that you don't know. You might be more inclined to think “If only I was slimmer (smarter or funnier)”; However, the reality is that you will not know why someone rejected you.
- Also, you should remind yourself that the boy could not not know either. Sometimes you just won't have those kinds of feelings for someone and you won't know why.
Step 4. Avoid blaming the boy
When you investigate the reasons why things didn't work out, you may be inclined to blame the boy. You might have negative thoughts about him, for example, "If he wasn't so shallow, he would have wanted to be with me." However, keep in mind that feelings are subjective. Most likely, the guy didn't reject you for any particular reason. There is a long list of reasons why someone might not be interested in you at any given time. People do not control their feelings. Try to accept that. While the guy may not be interested in you, ultimately he must be a good person and it will not be his fault that he has no romantic interest in you at the moment.
Part 3 of 3: Moving On After Rejection
Step 1. Decrease contact with the boy for a while
It is very difficult to get over someone if you see them frequently. Since you are trying to put your feelings aside, decrease your contact with the boy in question.
- How to decrease contact will be up to you. Depending on your feelings, you may not have to put that person aside entirely; however, you could assume some guidelines as to how to proceed.
- For example, you can limit yourself to seeing that person once every two weeks instead of once a week. You can stop texting her every day or stop talking to her on social media for a while.
Step 2. Evaluate the patterns of past relationships
You may be the type of person who gets continually depressed about people who he can't be with. For some, getting depressed about those they cannot be with is a pattern of behavior. If you had a childhood where adults weren't trustworthy, you may unconsciously look for unavailable people as an adult.
- Have you been in that situation before? Do you often get depressed about people who are not interested in you? If so, this could be a pattern for you.
- Evaluate your past. Think back to your childhood and whether you felt a sense of security during that time. If you didn't feel it, you may be depressed by people unavailable as a defense mechanism in order to keep them from ever getting too close to actually hurting you.
- If you feel like that's a pattern for you, consider visiting a therapist. A qualified therapist can help you analyze your past and help you make better relationship decisions in the future.
Step 3. Seek support from others
If you think you are going through a difficult time, it is important that you seek support from others. Talk to friends and family who care about you. This can help you feel loved, wanted, and valuable, even if you are not romantically involved with someone at the time.