If you feel all the time that your partner thinks you are wrong, this can create tension in your relationship. The best strategy is to have a conversation with your partner about how this situation makes you feel. However, if he thinks you are always wrong (for example, he always blames you or never gives in in an argument), you are likely dealing with a narcissistic person, which makes the situation more complicated. You should also assess whether you are in a toxic relationship, where the best option is probably to leave the relationship.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Have a conversation with your partner
Step 1. Face the situation early
It is important to discuss the problem with your partner, as they may not realize that they always assume you are wrong. You may be tempted to avoid the problem, but that will only continue to drive a wedge between you and your partner. It is better to face the problem directly, if possible.
Also, if you avoid the problem for a long time, you are likely to start experiencing angry outbursts towards your partner, which will create tension in the relationship
Step 2. Think carefully about what you want to say
It can help to take a moment and think about what you really want to say to your partner. You don't want a mechanical speech, as it will distance you from your partner. However, having a general idea of what you want to say is good, especially if you choose a couple of phrases that can convey your idea without making your partner feel bad.
Step 3. Pick a time to have the conversation
It can be helpful to let your partner know that you want to have a conversation. This way, you won't take her by surprise with what you have to say. Additionally, both of you will have the opportunity to choose a good time together.
- For example, you can say, "I would like us to talk about the way we argue, especially the way I always end up being the one who is wrong. When do you think is a good time?"
- If your situation differs a bit, you can say something like "I would like to talk to you because I often feel that my opinion does not count. When can we talk?"
Step 4. Use a "first person" statement
When discussing the problem with your partner, the most effective way to do so is to use "first person" statements. That is, talking about what is wrong using the word "I", focusing on your feelings, instead of using "you", which gives the impression that you are blaming the other person. Using "first person" statements is generally more effective when opening a conversation.
- For example, you can say, "I feel like most of the time I'm the one 'wrong' in an argument or conversation. I get upset because you persist that you're right and I end up giving up."
- You can also say, "I feel like you don't respect my opinion or experience in most situations and always being wrong makes me upset."
- On the other hand, saying something like "You always think you're right and I'm wrong" is not a good way to start a conversation.
Step 5. Listen to what the other person has to say
If you start the conversation thinking of a monologue, then it will not be effective. You need to be able to hear what the other person has to say, as you are trying to communicate by talking and listening about the problem, so both of you need the opportunity to speak.
- Your partner may surprise you with what they have to say. For example, you may find that she feels the same way, that you always think she is wrong. When you find that you both feel the same way, you can work on having better communication in the future.
- To get your partner talking, be sure to open up the conversation. For example, you can say "Now that I have said what I believe, I would like to hear from you, what do you believe and feel?"
Step 6. Measure your partner's reaction
After listening to what your partner has to say about this particular topic, reflect on what is behind the words. The way your partner ends up responding may indicate that they are willing to work on the problem and on the relationship. On the other hand, what you say may indicate that the problem is bigger and that they may need to seek counseling or end the relationship.
- For example, if your partner says "Well that's silly. You are wrong most of the time," this is not an open or supportive response.
- On the other hand, a response like "I didn't realize that it made you feel that way. That's a problem. Let's try to see how we can solve this problem together" is a supportive response that shows that she is willing to work with you. From there, you can say "I'm glad to hear you say it. I think this would be a good solution…".
- Listen to the way your partner responds. If your partner is unable to reciprocate the "first person" statement or starts to blame you again, this may be a sign that they are unwilling to solve the problem.
Step 7. Work on a solution
After you've both had a chance to talk, discuss how you can move forward on better terms. Talk about the ways you think the problem can be solved, and ask your partner to think of possible solutions as well.
- For example, perhaps you can have a safe word to stop an argument and assess who feels the other person says they are "wrong." Just stopping in the middle of an argument to assess how both of you are feeling can help close the communication gap.
- On the other hand, you can agree to point out to your partner when you think they do not value your opinion or your experience.
Step 8. Consider counseling
If your partner seems receptive to change, but doesn't know how to move on, consider seeing a professional. Find a counselor in your area who can help you solve your problems. If you're not sure who to turn to, you can ask close friends for recommendations.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with a Toxic Relationship
Step 1. Think about the power structure
The fact that your partner blames you can be part of a bigger problem. He may try to manipulate you to gain power over you and the relationship. If you do it consistently, it is likely emotional abuse. If this is the case, you have to evaluate whether or not you should stay in the relationship. If you decide to stay, you will have to start defending yourself by demanding respect in the relationship.
- That is, determine if your partner uses strategies like thinking and saying that you are always wrong to change the way you behave or to intimidate you (to convince you that what you think is true is not).
- In other words, imagine that they are going to see a movie and you think that the protagonist has been rude. Subsequently, your partner tries to convince you that you are wrong, saying things like "The protagonist was not rude, he was simply defending himself. What happens is that you do not know how to defend yourself. You are weak and that is the reason why the one you couldn't go on without me. "
- Your partner uses emotional abuse to convince you that what you believe or feel is wrong with the intention of gaining control over you. In this situation, you can say "I disagree and I have the right to have my own opinion. That character insulted his wife without any remorse. That is rude."
Step 2. Identify the ways your partner manipulates you
Saying you're wrong is one way to manipulate yourself, but you can identify other ways your partner does it if you start paying attention. That is, your partner may try to convince you to meet his needs. Just identifying the ways your partner is manipulating you can help you begin to change the relationship. However, when you identify those moments, you can begin to fight against that manipulation.
- For example, your partner may make you feel guilty even for things that you should enjoy. If you decide which movie to go to see, your partner can later say "Well, I'm glad you're happy, but it wouldn't have been my first choice. I mean, obviously another movie would have been better, but you wanted to see that one, so I suposs you are well". You can reply, "You're not going to make me feel bad about watching that movie. I enjoyed it and I'm glad I chose it."
- It can also make you feel bad about the insecurities you have. Maybe you decide to go out one night with your friends and your partner does not like the idea. You can say something like "I'm sorry, but I don't like the idea of you hanging out with your friends. I should be enough in your life, right?" You can respond something like, "You seem to feel insecure about my other relationships. I value our relationship, but I also value my friends. Just because I value my friends doesn't mean I don't value you."
Step 3. Don't feel responsible for their feelings
Your partner can also make you feel responsible for the way he or she feels. You can say, "It's your fault I'm upset. You didn't accomplish this task the way you were supposed to." The only person who should feel responsible for her emotions is herself. Try not to apologize for the person's emotions. Instead, you can say, "I know you're upset. Sorry, I didn't do that task the way you wanted, but I tried. Your anger seems out of place. Why are you really upset?"
Step 4. Fight his attempts to put you down
Another way a relationship can be toxic is when your partner turns his insecurities against you. You can use the way you feel about yourself or about the world to keep yourself in control, achieving your goal because you feel like you are not good enough.
- For example, your partner might say something like, "It's good that you're with me, because you're getting a little fat. No one else would want to be with you." You can say, "That is very rude. I am proud of my body and I will not let you make me feel ashamed of it."
- While you can counteract this type of conversation, you should assess whether the relationship warrants the emotional pain.
Step 5. Assess whether the two of you benefit from the relationship
If you have a partner, the relationship must be fair. Both must give the other what is required in terms of support. Now, think about your relationship. Do you receive as much as you give? Do you get the support you need from the relationship? If not, then it may be time to think about ending it.
You can talk about this topic with your partner. You can say, "I feel like I bring more to this relationship than I receive. I have needs that are not being met."
Part 3 of 3: Identifying and Understanding Narcissists
Step 1. Determine if your partner feels superior
Since your partner believes that you are always wrong, there is a chance that they will think you are superior. That is, if your partner feels superior to you in any way, they are more likely to try to convince you that they are right and that you are wrong.
Does your partner make statements that may indicate that they feel superior? For example, you might say (seriously, not jokingly) "Well, you know I'm smarter, so I'm obviously right."
Step 2. See if you constantly give in to what your partner wants
A narcissistic person literally believes that the world revolves around him. He wants to go to dinner when he feels like it, see what he wants, and get somewhere when he sees fit without suffering the consequences. The problem is that it drags you to a different level.
That is, a narcissistic person has no problem getting somewhere late (even an hour later or more) without any excuse. If you do, you are expected to apologize and not do it again
Step 3. See if nothing meets their standards
Narcissistic people often have very high standards. Because they have trouble seeing outside of themselves, they cannot see how excessive expectations can be. They also don't see all the hard work you've put in to get something done. That is why it probably seems like you are always expecting more than you have to give. In addition, they will be much more likely to remember the things that have not gone well instead of the good things that you have done.
Step 4. Test empathy
This advice may seem illogical, but people's narcissism or borderline narcissism comes from insecurity. That is, many narcissistic people feel that they are not good enough and try to make up for this insufficiency by being very conceited. In turn, one way you can work with a partner who is narcissistic is to try to understand their insecurities and help them overcome them.
- For example, your partner may be particularly narcissistic when you decide to go out with your friends. In turn, this may indicate that she feels like she's not good enough for you. You can help her by giving her confidence.
- You can say "I'm going out with my friends tonight. It seems like that bothers you sometimes, can you tell me why?"
Step 5. Describe your needs
If the person is narcissistic, he may have trouble figuring out what you need, as it is difficult for him to get out of his own head. If that's the case, you may need to clearly express the needs you have in the relationship so that your partner has an idea of how to respond.
For example, you can say, "I feel like you always assume I'm wrong, can we solve this problem together?"
Step 6. Realize that you can't always make a relationship work with a narcissistic person
If your partner is just a borderline narcissist, you may be able to make the relationship work. However, if you are more than a borderline narcissist, it will likely be difficult to make the relationship work. First, you will begin to lose your sense of identity as you continually give up in front of your partner. Evaluate whether it is a good idea to stay in a relationship with that person.
If your partner refuses to see things from your point of view or is constantly manipulating you, don't hesitate to make plans to end the relationship. Counseling can help you with this process
Step 7. Create an exit strategy
It may not be possible to change your partner's habits without the professional intervention of a counselor. If your partner is manipulating or verbally abusing you, you should have a plan in place to end the relationship in a healthy way.
- A counselor or therapist can help you develop strategies to help you end a relationship.
- If you are married, you may want to start talking with attorneys to consider your options for divorce.
- If you live with your partner, start by thinking about where you can stay after the breakup. Can you live with friends or family? Are you ready to move alone to a new place?
- Set goals for the future. Where do you want to be in a year? Focus on your goals and you will be able to leave a narcissistic partner behind.