3 ways to be calm

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3 ways to be calm
3 ways to be calm

Most of us can calm down more than we are right now. Calm people are happier and help others to be calmer. You have probably been grateful to someone who was calm when you were facing a crisis. There are a wide variety of techniques you can use to become calmer, from meditating to getting more sleep. Give some of them a try!


Method 1 of 3: Calm yourself in the moment

Be Calm Step 1
Be Calm Step 1

Step 1. Stop and refocus your senses

When you run into stress, anger, or anxiety, this can trigger your body's "fight or flight" mode. Your sympathetic nervous system senses that you are under attack and causes your body to accelerate its rhythm, increasing your heart rate, narrowing blood vessels, restricting your breathing and tensing your muscles. When you feel these symptoms, stop what you are doing (if you can do it safely) and refocus your senses on what your body is experiencing. This can help reduce what scientists call "automatic reactivity."

  • Your brain develops patterns of "automatic reactivity" to stimuli such as stressors. These are basically habits that your brain triggers. When it encounters a particular stimulus, such as a fight with a person, it activates a set of specific pathways.
  • Studies show that breaking the "habit" of reaction by refocusing your senses on what is actually happening can help the brain develop new and healthier habitual reactions.
  • Take a quick look at your body, but don't judge what you are feeling as "good" or "bad." Try to stick to the facts. For example, if you are furious, your heartbeat is likely strong and you may even feel dizzy. Simply acknowledge these sensory experiences. For example: “Right now I feel nauseous. My breathing is very fast. My face feels hot and flushed. " By identifying these physical experiences, you can separate them from the emotional reaction.
Be Calm Step 2
Be Calm Step 2

Step 2. Breathe from your diaphragm

When you are stressed or anxious, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow. Breathing deeply from the diaphragm helps combat this stress response by signaling your brain to release relaxing neurotransmitters and restoring oxygen to your body. Taking a few deep breaths can help you feel calmer almost immediately.

  • Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, under your rib cage. When you inhale, you should feel the hand on your belly rise. If you don't feel it, you are only breathing from your chest.
  • Inhale slowly through your nose. Inhale for a count of 5. Focus on the way your lungs and abdomen expand and fill with air.
  • Hold your breath for a few seconds. Ideally, you should hold it for 5 seconds, but if you can't do it from the start, hold it for at least 1 or 2 seconds.
  • Breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of 5. Try to breathe out evenly, rather than letting all the air escape at once.
  • Take two normal breaths, then repeat the breathing cycle.
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Be Calm Step 3

Step 3. Try progressive muscle relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation can help you consciously release tension from your body that can build up when you are stressed or angry. This causes you to tense and then release the muscle groups from your head to your toes, sending a signal to your body to relax. This takes a bit of practice, but if you master it, it will be a quick way to calm yourself down.

  • If possible, find a quiet place free from distractions. However, you can also practice it even from your desktop if necessary.
  • Loosen tight clothing. Take a few deep breaths.
  • Start with the muscles in your forehead. Raise your eyebrows as high as you can and hold them in that position for 5 seconds and then release the tension. Now frown as much as you can for 5 seconds and then release the tension.
  • After releasing the first muscle group, notice the difference in that area for 15 seconds before continuing. You must learn to differentiate what it feels like to be "relaxed" and "tense" so that you can consciously release tension when you need to.
  • Continue with your lips. Press firmly for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Now smile as much as you can for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Enjoy the sensation for 15 seconds.
  • Continue with this pattern of holding the tension for 5 seconds, releasing it and relaxing for 15 seconds with the following muscle groups: neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, buttocks, thighs, calves, feet and the toes.
  • You can also find free progressive muscle relaxation guided routines online. If you know English, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has free routines in MP3 format.
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Be Calm Step 4

Step 4. Distract yourself

Sometimes you have to break the cycle where you focus on what has angered you. Delving into the negative, such as a “broken record” that makes you have the same angry thoughts over and over again, can make it worse and even lead to anxiety and depression. Distraction is not a good long-term solution, but it is very helpful in reducing stress in the moment and helping you focus on something positive.

  • Talk to a friend. Studies show that socializing with people you love can help reduce your feelings of stress. Spend more time with a friend or loved one.
  • Observe something silly. Silly humor, like funny cat videos or a funny movie, can help you calm down and distance yourself a bit from what's upsetting you. However, you should try to avoid cruel or sarcastic humor, as it could further enrage you, rather than calm you down.
  • Play a game. Games are great for giving our brain a break.
  • Play with your pet. Studies show that interacting with a loved cat or dog can lower stress hormone levels and help you feel calm and happy.
  • There are many other ways to distract yourself. Read a good book, go for a long walk, or use your camera to take some beautiful photos.
  • Don't try to distract yourself by consuming alcohol, drugs, and even food. Trying to heal yourself by getting drunk or binge eating will only cause more problems and will not help you solve the cause of what has enraged you.
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Be Calm Step 5

Step 5. Exercise

When you're feeling furious, a little moderate exercise can help you feel better quickly. Exercise releases endorphins in your body, which naturally improve your mood. Several studies have shown that exercise reduces feelings of anger and increases feelings of calm and well-being. Next time you're furious, run for a bit or practice your favorite dance moves. That way, you will feel better.

  • Do moderate activity for about 30 minutes a day. You don't even have to go to the gym. Activities such as walking, jogging, even tending your garden have excellent effects on your mood and fitness.
  • Exercise also has a preventive effect. One study suggests that doing aerobic exercise before a raging experience can help you stay calmer during that experience.
  • Exercises like yoga and tai chi (which incorporate meditation, deep breathing, and physical movement) can also have excellent calming effects.
Be Calm Step 6
Be Calm Step 6

Step 6. Try aromatherapy.

Aromatherapy can help you calm down. Add a few drops of essential oil to a hot bath or bath bomb.

  • Use sandalwood, lavender, or German chamomile for stress relief.
  • Do not ingest the essential oils. Many of them are toxic if you consume them.
  • You can get a massage or get a foot massage with these oils.
  • Always use a base oil (such as jojoba, avocado, or sunflower oil), as essential oils are so concentrated that they can irritate the skin if applied alone.
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Be Calm Step 7

Step 7. Listen to music

Music has a very relaxing effect on the way we think. If you have a hard time calming down, listen to some soothing music. Avoid music with loud sounds or fast beats, even if it is music that you really like, as it can stress you more! Listen to soothing music when trying to calm down.

The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of the world's most relaxing songs, as indicated by science. These artists include Marconi Union, Enya, and Coldplay

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Be Calm Step 8

Step 8. Change the topic of conversation

Sometimes a person wants to talk to you about an issue they disagree on. If you can have a productive conversation, this is great! But if you feel like the conversation has turned into opposing monologues, change the topic of conversation to something that makes you less angry.

  • Don't talk about topics that can cause arguments (like religion and politics), particularly with people you don't know very well.
  • It may feel weird to interrupt an annoying conversation, but the relief you'll feel is worth it. Say something nice like, “I think we will have to accept that we disagree on this issue. How about we better talk about last night's episode of Game of Thrones?
  • If the other person doesn't give up, apologize and leave the conversation. Use a first-person phrase so you don't sound like you're blaming the other person: “I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I'm going to take a little break from this conversation. "

Method 2 of 3: Encourage Peace of Mind Through Your Lifestyle

Be Calm Step 9
Be Calm Step 9

Step 1. Get enough sleep

When you're not getting enough sleep or your sleep cycle is disrupted, this can make you prone to stress (especially if you already worry frequently). Sleep allows your muscles and brain to relax and recover so that they can start the day with a lower “set point” of anxiety. Even minor sleep disturbances can drastically affect your memory, judgment, and mood. Get as long as you need to help you stay calm during the day.

  • The recommendation for adults is between 7 and 9 hours of sleep per night. This figure is higher for teens.
  • People who don't get enough sleep have symptoms of stress, such as feeling irritable, angry, or overwhelmed, much more than people who get enough sleep.
  • Try to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day, including weekends. This will help your body regulate sleep.
  • Avoid taking naps at 5 p.m. m., consume very large and stimulating dinners during the night, and avoid the screens with blue light before going to sleep. All of these factors can interfere with your ability to get a good night's sleep.
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Be Calm Step 10

Step 2. Limit your consumption of caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine

Caffeine is a stimulant that can help you feel more alert and energetic, but it also causes your body to over-respond to stress. If you must drink caffeine, try not to take more than 200 mg a day (about two cups of filtered coffee). Don't drink caffeine after 5 p.m. m. to prevent it from interfering with your sleep cycle.

  • Stimulants also disrupt your sleep cycle.
  • Alcohol is a suppressant, which means that it reduces tension or stress on the body. However, using alcohol to heal stress is a bad idea, as your anxiety will rebound when alcohol is out of your system (and alcohol will not solve the underlying problem). This can make it easier to fall asleep, but it can also seriously disrupt your rapid eye movement (REM) sleep phase, leaving you tired and drained the next day.
  • If you drink alcohol, be sure to do so in moderation. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) recommends that men have no more than 4 drinks a day and no more than 14 a week. Women should have no more than 3 drinks a day and no more than 7 a week.
  • A "standard drink" might be less than you think. The NIAAA defines a beverage as 354 ml (12 oz) of regular beer, 236 or 266 ml (8 or 9 oz) of malt liquor, 147 ml (5 oz) of wine, or a 44 ml (11 / 2 oz) of 80 proof alcohol.
  • Nicotine is also a powerful stimulant that causes the body to over-respond to stress. Smoking is very bad for your health and the more you smoke, the worse the damage you will suffer. However, keep in mind that quitting smoking can be very stressful, so doing so during a period of high stress may not be the best idea.
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Be Calm Step 11

Step 3. Avoid negativity whenever possible

Being exposed to negativity too often can get your brain into the habit of thinking negatively. Obviously this will not help the relaxed mindset you want to cultivate!

  • Sometimes people need to vent. This is perfectly healthy. However, make sure the complaints don't last too long. Even having a stressful experience for 30 minutes (like listening to someone else's complaints) can increase the level of your stress hormones.
  • If you find yourself in a situation where you cannot avoid negativity (such as at work), try to find a quiet “safe place” in your mind. Go to that place when you feel too much pressure.
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Be Calm Step 12

Step 4. Avoid stress whenever possible

Obviously, you can't avoid all the stress in your life. Experiencing stress and unpleasant events is only part of being human. However, you could reduce these stressors with a few changes. If you can reduce the amount of stress in your life, even in small ways, this can help you deal with the other annoying things that you can't avoid.

  • Try to get over the things that bother you. For example, if having to wait in a long line at the grocery store after work frustrates you, try going later in the evening. If rush hour makes your blood boil, try going out a little earlier.
  • Look on the bright side. When you redefine experiences so that you can get something positive out of them, you increase your ability to deal with stress. For example, if you were having trouble with your car and had to run to catch the bus and go to school, consider getting some exercise and having a story to tell. It is not the most positive aspect, but it is better than focusing on how annoying the event was.
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Be Calm Step 13

Step 5. Spend time with your loved ones

Studies have shown that having a strong social support network of friends, family, and loved ones can foster a sense of belonging and security. This can even enhance your feelings of self-confidence and self-worth.

  • One study showed that having a “best friend” to share your emotions with can significantly lower the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) in your body. This also helps buffer the negativity experienced in unpleasant events.
  • Have fun with other people. Studies show that having fun with your loved ones can help reduce your feelings of anger and increase your positive feelings.
  • If you can laugh with your friends, this is even better. Laughter releases endorphins, the chemicals in your brain that improve your mood and make you feel happy. It can even increase your body's ability to tolerate physical pain!
  • Make sure you spend time with positive people. Just as people can give us a cold, they can also “catch” us with their emotions. If you date people who focus on their stress and negativity, it will affect you. On the other hand, if you date people who focus on helping each other in positive and healthy ways, you will feel better.
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Be Calm Step 14

Step 6. Meditate

Meditation is about stopping to be in the present moment, feeling calm and tolerant. Studies have shown that practicing meditation can promote relaxation and feelings of well-being, and can even boost your immune system. It can even help reconfigure your brain's responses to stress. There are many types of meditation, but there has been much research that favors "mindfulness meditation." Meditate for 30 minutes a day and you will see significant results in as little as two weeks.

  • Start by looking for a quiet place without distractions. Don't leave the television or computer on. Try to meditate for at least 15 minutes, although 30 minutes is even better.
  • Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Continue to breathe deeply and evenly when you meditate.
  • Imagine yourself as an outside witness to your thoughts. Watch how they pass and accept them without trying to judge them as "good" or "bad", "right" or "wrong". This may take some practice, but it's okay.
  • Ask yourself some questions to help guide your meditation. It begins by asking "What are my senses telling me?" Feel what you hear, smell and feel. For example, is the room hot or cold? Do you hear the birds or the hum of a dishwasher?
  • Ask yourself "How is my body?" Feel any tension (or relaxation) that you feel in your body without judging it.
  • Ask yourself "How are my thoughts?" Notice if they are critical, tolerant, anxious, etc. It can be easy to get carried away in a cycle where you judge yourself for not meditating "well enough." Allow yourself to perceive your thoughts without judging yourself for them.
  • Ask yourself "How are my emotions?" How do you feel now? Stressed, calm, sad, or happy?
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Be Calm Step 15

Step 7. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness has received a lot of attention from science lately. Numerous research studies show that it can help promote calm, feel able to regulate your emotions, change the way you respond to things, even increase your ability to deal with pain. Mindfulness focuses on being aware of your thoughts and experiences in the moment, without judging them. This may take a bit of practice, but using mindfulness techniques can help you calm down quickly and promote an overall sense of well-being.

  • Try the "raisin meditation." Mindfulness focuses on perceiving your experiences in the present moment without judging them. Believe it or not, you can practice your mindfulness with a handful of raisins 5 minutes a day.

    • Use your senses. Hold the raisin. Flip it with your fingers. Feel how it feels in your hand. Notice its texture and observe it carefully. Examine its colors, its roughness and its variations. Smell it and notice its aroma.
    • Put the raisin in your mouth. Feel how it feels in your mouth, but don't chew it. It makes your mouth water? Can you feel any flavor? Now start chewing. Notice how the flavor arises. Feel the texture in your mouth as you eat it. When you swallow it, feel the movement your muscles make.
  • Take a mindful walk. It's easy to get so caught up in the stresses of everyday life that we don't notice the beauty around us. Focusing on being aware of what you experience while going for a walk can help you develop skills for mindfulness.

    Take a walk alone. When you walk, try to perceive as much detail as possible. Use all your senses. Imagine that you are an explorer from another world who has never seen this place before. Notice the colors, smells, sounds, etc., around you. When you perceive each detail, acknowledge them consciously, say something like "I am aware that I am seeing a beautiful red flower." Feel how these experiences make you feel

Method 3 of 3: Change Your Perspective

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Be Calm Step 16

Step 1. Define your strengths

It's hard to feel calm and collected if you don't know your own strengths. Take a brief moment to analyze yourself and discover the unique things that make you who you are. Remind yourself how capable you are. Journaling can be a great way to discover positive things about yourself. Here are some questions you can start with:

  • What makes you feel like a strong person?
  • What emotions do you feel when you feel safe or strong?
  • What qualities define your strengths? These could be things like "compassion", "family" or "ambition"; what you think reflects you. Take a moment to review each of them. Which ones do you like the most?
  • You can also try writing positive affirmations for yourself each day. For example, remind yourself of the things you did well that day or repeat something you like or respect about yourself.
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Be Calm Step 17

Step 2. Use self-affirmations

After you have identified some of your qualities, remind yourself! It might feel strange to tell you these things at first, but consider that you are probably telling your loved ones all the time how cool they are, right? Why don't you do the same for yourself? To improve your self-confidence and increase your calm, do the following:

  • You should repeat affirmations out loud to yourself in front of the mirror. Look into your eyes and tell yourself something positive like "I am a great friend and a lovely person" or "I love how my smile lights up my face when I am happy."
  • If you come across unpleasant thoughts about yourself, turn them into self-affirmations by redefining them. For example, imagine you think, "I'm so stressed, I'll never be able to figure it out!"
  • Redefine this thought and turn it into a positive affirmation: "I am stressed right now and I am learning new things every day to become stronger."
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Be Calm Step 18

Step 3. Be kind to yourself

Calm begins when you love yourself (which is completely different from being self-centered). It is very common to talk about ourselves in a negative tone and be our own nastiest critics. This can happen because we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves or because we forget to show ourselves the same compassion that we show other people. You cannot calm down if all you do is criticize yourself, hate yourself, and distrust yourself. Take time to calm your inner critic and remind yourself that you deserve love, dignity, and compassion; from you and from others.

  • Talk to yourself with kindness. When you start to speak negatively about yourself, you can refute it with positive counteracting thoughts or mantras.
  • For example, if you notice that you are worried and that you tell yourself that you cannot deal with a situation, ask yourself the following questions:

    • Is this thought kind to me? If not, turn the thought into a gentler one: "I'm worried right now, but I can deal with it."
    • Does this thought make me feel capable and confident? If not, focus on your strengths and abilities: "I worry I don't know enough to do it, but I'm smart and I can learn quickly."
    • Would you tell this thought to a friend who was concerned? If not, why would you tell yourself?
  • Remember that we all make mistakes. It can be easy to set a standard of perfection for yourself that you would never expect from loved ones. Remind yourself of your common human condition. Acknowledge your mistake, then focus on how to correct it and do things differently in the future. This will keep you focused on positive development instead of torturing yourself for the past.
  • Know how valuable you are. Remind yourself daily of the virtues, strengths and beauty that you bring to the world. If you have a hard time thinking positive things, ask your friends for help.
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Be Calm Step 19

Step 4. Forgive yourself and others

If you are not able to forgive, this will make you feel dissatisfied and an internal conflict will arise in you. Holding on to old grudges, being bitter, and fueling constant anger creates inner turmoil that leads you to relive the pain of the past. Do you really enjoy dragging that ball on a chain? Worse still, your health will be affected by complaints from the past and this will harm your blood pressure, your heart rate, and your spiritual and physical health.

  • Remember that when you forgive, you remove toxic feelings from your life; It is not about justifying what someone else has done, but about no longer allowing that person's actions to influence your perspective on life.
  • When you feel like you are upset with someone who has hurt you, try to stop and think. Breathe slowly for a second. Does getting angry make your life better? Does the hatred you feel make you happy? Would the people who really love you wish that you continue to suffer in that way? The answer to all these questions is "no", so release those negative feelings and look for some positive ones.
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Be Calm Step 20

Step 5. Be patient

Patience generates calm. Impatience is the source of turmoil and turbulence. Impatience makes you say "I want this NOW" and when "this" doesn't happen then, you lose your temper and let your blood pressure rise. Usually impatience is related to irrational expectations you have of the world and other people (you expect too much of yourself from other people) and is often linked to perfectionism, which makes you think that making mistakes and going slow is inadmissible. On the other hand, a calm person knows very well that mistakes happen sometimes and that speeding things up often causes errors, not solving them.

  • If you notice that you are in a rush to do something, stop and assess the situation. Is anyone going to die if you don't get what you need right now? If not, consider that stressing about this situation will only make your life worse and could even affect your judgment.
  • If you're still having trouble being patient, you may just need a little more practice. Start by trying to be patient with little things, like waiting in line at the grocery store. Distract yourself by reading all the magazine headlines near the checkout line. Start tackling the most difficult areas in your life, like feeling aggressive driving or dealing with your children.
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Be Calm Step 21

Step 6. Think about things before you start to worry

Most of the time, it's okay not to worry. Most of the time, news, rumors, negativity, instability, and the crazy ups and downs of human systems are just noises. If you listen to them too much, you will find yourself caught in a busy life, with no clear direction. This will create intense restlessness and unease in your life. Sensible people know what to read, who to listen to, and when to ignore rumors (most of the time). Sensible people are calm because they have access to knowledge and they know how to use it to improve their lives.

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Be Calm Step 22

Step 7. Slow down your life

Many people try to push themselves to the exit even before the door opens (both metaphorically and literally). Consider all the times when a plane lands and all the people rush to get off, but in the end what they do is stand in line. Learn to determine when it's important to rush and when you can slow down. You will notice that in most situations, you can go slower.

Going slower will also allow you to do things in more detail so that you can get them done right the first time. This will prevent you from feeling even more stress in the future

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Be Calm Step 23

Step 8. Stop procrastinating

Procrastination is one of the main sources of stress in our lives. If you can learn to do things at an early stage or at least on time, you will notice that you feel much calmer. Obviously, this means concentrating when things need to be done and saving distractions for later!

One way that many people waste a lot of time during the day is to check their email. Have specific times to check your email (just two or three times a day), and don't check between those times


  • Keep your mind open. Calculating and closed minds are the cause of ignorance. Nothing changes if all minds are sure of something, remember that people used to believe that the earth was flat.
  • If you feel angry or upset, just count to ten and take a deep breath. Then make yourself a refreshing herbal tea or ice water and go somewhere else to sit quietly, and let your imagination run wild.
  • Do the things you love.
  • If you find yourself in a stressful situation and feel the need to be calm, just walk away from the problem or take ten seconds to take a deep breath and let all thoughts clear, before you regret anything.


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