It is always important to develop and hone the ability to think before speaking in all kinds of situations. It can help you improve your relationships with others and express yourself more effectively. First, decide if what you want to say is true, useful, inspiring, necessary, or kind. Then find a way to choose the right words, such as pausing and asking for clarification. You can also use careful communication strategies, such as adopting open body language and focusing on addressing one topic at a time. With a little practice, thinking before you speak will come naturally to you.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Identify the purpose for filtering the words
Step 1. Determine if what you want to say is true
Evaluate your words carefully and ask yourself if they are true. Don't make up just so you can share something funny, and keep quiet if you're going to tell a lie. If you need to answer something, at least modify what you want to say to make it true.
- For example, if someone asks you a question and you are about to answer something that is not true, stop and tell the truth.
- If you tell an anecdote and you are about to exaggerate something that has happened, control yourself and be honest about the facts.
Step 2. Speak up if the comment is helpful or remain silent if it isn't
Talking can be beneficial to other people if you think it could help them. In this case, go ahead and talk. On the other hand, saying something painful can damage relationships with others, so it is better to remain silent if what you want to express could hurt someone.
- For example, if you watch a friend play a video game and have advice that could help him get through a difficult level, this could be beneficial to him, so it's okay to tell him.
- However, if a friend is having a hard time getting through a level in a video game and you're about to make fun of him, keep quiet.
Step 3. Identify if your comment could inspire others
It's always good to say something that inspires, encourages, or improves the spirits of others. For example, if you want to give a compliment, encourage someone to strive toward their goals, or tell them a story that can inspire them, go for it!
For example, if you want to praise a friend for a presentation they have given, do so. This will help you feel better about yourself
tip: Another good rule of thumb to keep in mind is to assess whether what you want to say may be "illegal." If you determine that this is so, don't say so. This includes threats or discriminatory comments.
Step 4. Speak up if your comment is necessary
Sometimes it is necessary to speak up to prevent something bad from happening, such as warning or sending an important message. If this is the case, speak up.
- For example, if you notice that someone is about to cross the street and you notice that many cars are coming, speak to warn them immediately.
- If a friend's mom calls you and asks you to let her know, get her message across as soon as you see it.
Step 5. Be silent if your comment is unkind
Offering kind words is another good way to determine whether or not it is better to speak. As the old saying goes: "If you don't have anything nice to say, better keep quiet." Consider if what you want to express is kind. If so, do it. Otherwise, don't say anything.
For example, if a friend shows up at your house in an extravagant outfit and hat, try to praise him for his style if you think he's good, or say nothing if you don't like his outfit
Method 2 of 3: Choose Your Words Carefully
Step 1. Listen carefully to your interlocutor
Listen to others when they speak to you and give them your full attention. Make a conscious effort to focus on their words to respond thoughtfully when they finish speaking.
- For example, if someone tells you about what they did over the weekend, give them your undivided attention to asking related questions and making honest comments about their words.
- Don't focus on your answer when the other person speaks. Otherwise, you will not be able to listen carefully and you may respond to something that is not related to what they said.
Step 2. Pause for a minute if you find yourself saying "mmm" or "ah."
If you find yourself using these filler sounds consistently, you may not be sure what you want to say and think out loud. In this case, don't say anything and pause for a minute. Take some time to think about what you want to say before continuing.
If someone asks you a question, it's okay to simply say, "I need a minute to think about it."
tipIf you need a longer pause when giving a presentation or talking to someone, drink water to give yourself more time to think.
Step 3. Ask questions to clarify what your interlocutor has said
If you have a conversation with someone and you don't know how to respond, ask for clarification. Paraphrase what they said or their question to verify that you have understood correctly.
- For example, you can say, "What did you mean that you didn't like the structure of the movie?"
- You can also say something like: "What you say is that you want to go home because you do not feel well, right?"
Step 4. Take a deep breath or apologize in tense situations
If you find yourself in the middle of a heated discussion or conversation with someone, or if you feel too nervous to speak, taking a deep breath is a good way to calm yourself, organize your thoughts, and buy yourself some extra time to think. Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose to the count of four, hold it for four more seconds, and breathe out slowly through your mouth to the count of four.
If you need a longer pause to calm down, ask permission to go to the bathroom or take a brisk walk around the block
Method 3 of 3: Use Appropriate Communication Strategies
Step 1. Avoid distractions to stay focused on the conversation
It will be easier for you to think before you speak if you are not constantly looking at your phone, television, or computer. Put aside or turn off anything that could distract you from your interlocutor and give him your full attention.
It's okay to pause to eliminate distractions. For example, you can say something like, “Wait a minute. I just want to turn off the TV so I can give you my full attention. "
Step 2. Show that you are a good listener by using open body language
Adopting open body language will help you communicate in a more considerate way. Pay attention to the way you sit or stand when talking to people. Here are some things you can do to improve your body language:
- Lean toward the person, rather than taking a more distant posture in the other direction.
- Keep your arms loosely to your sides, instead of crossing them across your chest.
- Make eye contact with your interlocutor. Avoid looking into the distance or at another part of the room, since the other person will perceive that you are not paying attention to what they are saying.
- Keep your expression neutral, such as smiling slightly and relaxing your eyebrows.
tip: You can also lean towards the person to show interest in their words. Leaning back or in another direction will have the opposite effect and send the message that you are not interested.
Step 3. Address one topic at a time and offer additional information only if asked
If you tend to ramble or provide too much information at once, try to focus on clarifying a topic and supporting it with examples, if necessary. Then, pause for a minute so the other person can speak or ask questions and develop another point or offer additional information if desired.
- For example, if someone asks you how your day has been, you can start by saying that it was good and mentioning one positive thing that happened to you, instead of giving a full report of all your activities.
- When talking about politics, you can start by offering your strongest point and its evidence, rather than listing all the reasons why you have taken that view.
Step 4. Summarize what you have said if necessary and then remain silent
After you finish saying what you want to say, it's okay to stop talking. It is not necessary to fill all the silences with words if you have nothing else to say. If you feel like you want to provide some kind of conclusion, briefly summarize your words and then stop talking.