Starting a conversation with a girl you don't know can be intimidating. Fortunately, there are a few tricks you can use to start conversations with the girls you just met.
Method 1 of 4: Flirt During Conversation
Step 1. Compliment her
Do it in a genuine and kind way. Tell her that she has a beautiful smile, that you like her necklace, or that her laugh is contagious. Make it feel special. Try not to overwhelm her with more momentous compliments, as this will sound insincere.
- Try saying, "You have a big smile, it's very contagious."
- You can also say, "That's a nice dress, red looks great on you."
Step 2. Try a pickup phrase
A good pickup line will make a girl laugh and will definitely catch her eye. Avoid anything that sounds too cheesy or creepy. The key to making a dating phrase work is confidence, so don't be shy!
- For something romantic, try, "Hi, I'm Andrew. I thought we should have at least one conversation before we get married."
- For something flashy, try "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather survive the zombie apocalypse with."
- For a compliment, try, "My friends bet me I wouldn't be able to talk to the prettiest girl in the bar. Do you want to buy drinks with her money?"
Step 3. Focus on nonverbal cues
You can use non-verbal cues, such as body language or facial expressions, to turn an otherwise unattractive comment into something with a romantic undertone.
- Keep body language open and engaging. Maintain good eye contact and smile, smile, and smile!
- Gently touch his hand or arm when telling a story, this will help create intimacy and take you out of the friendship zone.
- Avoid using negative body language like crossing your arms, frowning, or looking down.
Method 2 of 4: Talk to Someone You Don't Know
Step 1. Get closer to her
Approach the girl you want to start a conversation with, smile and say hello. Tell her your name and ask for hers. Don't complicate it. A genuine and cordial greeting will always be better than a cheesy phrase.
- In any situation, use a direct introduction. For example: "Hi, my name is Bob. What's your name?"
- In a bar, you can offer the girl a drink. For example: "Hi, my name is José. Can I buy you a drink?"
Step 2. Ask him how he is
Asking a girl nicely how her day went or how she's feeling is a good way to get her to talk. It also makes a good impression, as it shows that you are really interested in her and are willing to listen to her.
- A simple "How are things today?" it never fails. Make sure you listen to their response - this is not a rhetorical question!
- Ask, "How did you do today? Did you do something fun?" This will prompt her to give more than a one-word response and give you a chance to show off your amazing listening skills.
Step 3. Make a comment about the weather
You can't go wrong with a harmless observation about the weather, or some other objective topic. Make a comment about how sunny, windy, or rainy it is. This will give you a sure topic to break the ice with. Once she has responded, you can move on to more interesting topics.
- Make it a question rather than a statement. Say something like "Nice day today, huh?" or "It seems that this rain will calm down soon, don't you think?" This will give you an opportunity to respond.
- If you don't like the weather approach, try another topic for sure. For example, you can try to comment on your surroundings. In a bar, you might say something like, "Wow, there are a lot of people here tonight, don't you think?"
Step 4. Ask a question about work or school
Finding common ground can help you break the ice in a conversation. Ask thoughtful questions about work or school to keep the conversation flowing.
- If you attend a class together, ask her what she thinks of it, if she likes the teacher, or is interested in whatever you are studying at the time. Say something like, "Have you seen the essay topics for next semester? Do you know what you are going to write about?"
- If you work together, ask if he is working on any interesting projects at the moment.
Step 5. Bring up popular culture topics
Referencing popular culture is a smart, non-personal way of talking about personal interests. By discovering what kind of movies or music a girl likes, you can get an idea of what kind of person she is and what her interests are. This valuable information could help you plan a great date in the future.
- For TV shows, ask something like, "Do you watch Mad Men? Who is your favorite character?"
- For the music, ask: "Have you listened to the new Daft Punk album? What did you think?"
- For the movies, "Have you seen the last Tarantino movie? They tell me it's fantastic."
Step 6. Mention an upcoming event
Mentioning an upcoming event, such as a music festival or exam, can give you something to get excited about or nervous about. This will create a relationship between the two of you and allow the girl to see how much you have in common.
- If you're both taking the same test, you could say something like, "I'm scared about next week's math test. I'm not good at algebra. How do you feel about it?"
- If you have a conversation about music, you can mention the upcoming festival. Say something like, "Are you going to Coachella this year? I went with a group of friends last year, we had so much fun! What bands would you like to see?"
- If a holiday is coming up, you could say something like, "I can't wait for Halloween next week. My friend is having a house party and I have a great werewolf costume planned. Will you do something fun?"
Method 3 of 4: Chat with a friend
Step 1. Mention a mutual friend
Talking about a mutual friend in your conversation will help you establish a personal connection with the girl, even if you don't know her well. She will feel more at ease, since you won't seem like a complete stranger. Having a mutual friend will also give you something (or someone) to talk about.
- Try saying something like, "I heard you're good friends with Allison. How did the two of you meet?"
- Or something like, "Oh, so you know Daniel? We've known each other for a long time! He's very funny, don't you think?"
Step 2. Bring out a shared experience
Having a shared experience, whether it's volunteering or growing up on a farm, will help create a personal connection between the two of you and establish the beginning of a bond.
- If you realize that you both grew up on a farm, you might say something like, "It can't be, me too! The worst part was the early morning, my dad would get me up at 5am every day during the summer to help him. How was it for you? "
- If you have both worked on volunteer projects, you could say something like, "I think it was a very rewarding experience. What inspired you to get involved?"
Step 3. Ask an interesting question
Asking her an unusual or thought-provoking question will break the ice and allow the girl to speak her mind. This will give him a chance to express himself and you will leave a good impression for asking such an interesting question. Everyone wins!
- Try something like, "If you could be an animal, what kind of animal would you be?"
- Or something like: "What are the five best places you want to visit before you die?"
- Or maybe: "Have you ever thought about doing a parachute jump?"
Step 4. Mention a shared interest
Finding out that you have a shared interest is conversational gold and will really help you start to bond with her. It doesn't matter what the interest is (reading, running, climbing, etc.), what matters is that it is something they share.
- If you find that they both like to run, you might ask him what his favorite local routes are or if he has ever thought about training for a marathon.
- If you both like to read, you could ask who their favorite author is or what they think of a recent film adaptation of a well-known novel.
- If it's something very peculiar, ask how they first got involved and compare their stories.
Step 5. Ask him a personal question
If things are going well and the two of you seem to be hitting it, it might be time to get a little more personal. Remember that the goal is to show that you are really interested in her and want to get to know her better, not to make her feel uncomfortable. Don't ask him anything that you're not comfortable answering yourself.
- Make it a positive thing! Don't ask her what her biggest fear or her biggest secret is, ask her about her hopes for the future or where she sees herself in ten years. Let her decide if she wants to answer seriously or keep things light.
- Ask him about his family, starting with something simple and non-invasive like, "Do you have siblings?"
- If you want to know if she's single, just ask her, "Are you currently dating?"
Method 4 of 4: Improve General Behavior
Step 1. Project confidence
The key to all flirting is trust. What women really want is a man who is comfortable in his own skin, a man who is happy, capable, and confident.
- Update your wardrobe. When you're feeling good about your appearance, you'll naturally project confidence, so ditch the baggy jeans and invest in some good-quality, well-fitting pieces to help you look and feel like a 007.
- Speak clearly and confidently. This doesn't mean talking louder than others or constantly interrupting them, but try to speak a little louder than you normally would. Avoid qualifying phrases with too many "totally" and "you know?"
Step 2. Listen well
Try not to dominate the conversation. Ask lots of questions and listen carefully to their answers. Listening shows that you are interested in her and what she has to say.
Step 3. Stay involved in the conversation
Open up a little, give the girl more and more reasons to like you. Answer her questions and let her get to know you a bit, but don't do it over and over again, the goal is to engage and intrigue her, not bore her.
Step 4. Make eye contact
Maintaining good eye contact will make you appear more confident and attractive. Looking someone in the eye comes naturally when you feel comfortable and confident. Make sure to look directly at her whenever either of you are speaking, but remember to look away during pauses in conversation - staring is creepy!
Step 5. Smile
Smiling will make you look happy, approachable, and more attractive. That's the kind of guy girls want to be around, so show those white teeth.
Step 6. Avoid "yes" or "no" questions
Questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" are not the best way to start a conversation. Closed questions are not effective in getting the girl to really engage in the conversation. Try to ask more interesting and open questions that require long and thoughtful answers. Closed questions should only be used at the beginning of the conversation to put a minimum amount of pressure on her. Starting conversations with strangers is an already uncomfortable experience, and making it more uncomfortable for her by pressuring her with an open-ended question can backfire. So you can start with open-ended questions like "Is this your first time here?" or "How are you?" so they are more comfortable with the situation before moving on to the more open-ended questions.
Step 7. Avoid controversial topics
Bringing controversial topics into the conversation can make her feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or just plain angry. Avoid seeking their views on topics like politics or religion during the first conversation or your relationship will risk ending before it has even started.
- Be interested, but not overly eager. If someone else is competing for your attention, be prepared to walk away so you don't appear desperate. Most girls love a challenge, so your willingness to walk away from the conversation can make her even more interested in you.
- If she seems interested in you, feel free to ask her for her number. The next day, text her saying that you liked talking to her.
- Text her within the first two hours saying, "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you today, would you like to meet another time?" This way, she will know that you are "interested" in her.
- Comment on something both of you are doing. If you ride the bus together, tell him about the driver or make a joke about the traffic. If you're both waiting for coffee, joke about how long he's been in line or ask what he's going to have.
- If you know her well enough, try asking her out without being rude.
- Try to keep things light. Don't immediately share your deepest secrets, just have fun and be yourself.
Don't be afraid of a possible rejection. If a girl you like doesn't feel the same way, your relationship with her doesn't have to become awkward. The rejection will be as uncomfortable as you allow it.
There is probably someone else in that case
- In some cases, the girl won't want to answer your questions or talk to you. Say something polite to him and get on with it.
Do not trust yourself too much even if you see her alone, it is very likely that her boyfriend is around; much more if he is jealous. In that case, it is best to stay away from her and avoid unnecessary confrontations.
It is always best if she warns you "I'm waiting for my boyfriend." This will give you a chance to say something polite and walk away
- Don't be insistent. Otherwise she will interpret it as harassment and you will get in trouble.