Even if you don't mean it badly, interrupting others can irritate them, and make you seem selfish or disrespectful. If you have a habit of interrupting people when they speak, focus on mindful listening and make an effort not to speak when it is not your turn. You can also enlist the help of your friends or colleagues if you need occasional reminders to stop. When you are ready to speak, find the right moment and take some time to think about what you want to say.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Be a good listener
Step 1. Reflect on when and why you interrupt others
Take a few moments to think about the situations in which you are most tempted to interrupt. Does it happen when you talk to certain people or in certain types of conversations? What do you generally think, feel, or want to achieve when you interrupt? Keep these factors in mind before entering a conversation so that you are prepared to control your urge to interrupt.
- For example, maybe you tend to do it when you argue with your partner because you feel defensive and want to control the conversation.
- In a context like a work meeting, you may interrupt because of your excitement to get your ideas across quickly.
- Repeat in your mind something like, "I know I usually speak up a lot over my friends because I get excited and want to keep it fun by telling jokes and interrupting with funny stories. Next time, I'll focus on listening and waiting until the time is right. to talk".
Step 2. Make a conscious decision to be silent
If you have a habit of interrupting others, you may do it or say something impulsively before you even notice what you are doing. Before starting a conversation, remember to be quiet until the other person finishes talking. You can also set physical reminders, such as:
- Gently bite your tongue until you are ready to speak.
- Put a finger on your lips while you listen.
- Take three deep breaths when you feel the need to speak.
Step 3. Listen carefully to the words of your interlocutor
When the other person speaks, bring your full attention to what they are saying. If you spend the entire conversation planning what to say and looking for a space to speak, you will not absorb the other's words.
Listening is much more than hearing. Focus on the other person's words and think about what they really mean. Watch him speak so you can interpret his body language and other non-verbal cues
Step 4. Show that you listen through eye contact and body language
You may be tempted to show that you are listening by speaking over the other with "cooperative interruptions," such as ending your interlocutor's sentence or offering affirmations (for example, "Oh yeah, I understand exactly what you're saying"). Instead, show your interest by maintaining eye contact and using silent cues, such as nodding or shaking your head. This way, you won't interrupt the flow of his speech.
It's okay to use certain verbal cues out loud, but keep them short. For example, you can say "Aha", "Yes" or "That's right"
Step 5. Be quick to apologize if you accidentally interrupt someone
If you interrupt despite trying hard, don't beat yourself up. As soon as you notice it, say something like "Oh, sorry. Go on."
Don't apologize more than once or make a drama bigger than it is. The person you are talking to will recognize and appreciate that you make an effort to listen to them better
Step 6. Ask others for reminders if you need them
If breaking the habit of interrupting is hard for you, don't be afraid to ask your friends, loved ones, or colleagues for help. For example, you can say something like "Hey, I know I interrupt a lot and I want to stop. If you notice me doing it, could you tell me something?"
- If you get help from someone you talk to one-on-one (like your partner or a friend), you can ask them to use a verbal cue. For example, you can say "Excuse me, I'm not done yet" or "Hey, you're interrupting me again!"
- In a context like a work meeting, you can ask a colleague to make a more discreet signal, such as shaking their head or slapping their lips to remind you to be quiet.
Part 2 of 2: Deciding when to speak
Step 1. Take notes so you don't forget what you want to say
If there is something you definitely have to say or ask during a conversation, write it down, rather than impulsively saying it. This will help you keep track of what you want to say without interrupting the flow of the conversation.
- Bring a notebook with you to important meetings to jot down questions and comments.
- If you use a phone or tablet instead of a pen and paper, you can say "I'll take some notes here." This way, the other person will not think that you are texting or playing on the phone while they are talking.
Step 2. Look at the verbal and non-verbal clues when it is your turn
Don't assume the other person has finished speaking just because they have finished a sentence or stopped speaking for a moment. You may pause to breathe or formulate your next thought. Instead, look for clues like turning to look at you promptly or saying something like "What do you think of the subject?"
If he stops talking and you don't know if he's finished, wait 10 seconds before speaking. If he doesn't say anything or prompts you to intervene, start talking
Step 3. Ask if you can speak up when in doubt
If you still don't know if it is appropriate to intervene, ask politely. You can say something like "Does it bother you if I say something?" or "Can I ask a question?" You can even say "Are you done or do you want to add something else?"
- Use a polite and friendly tone of voice so you don't sound pushy or impatient.
- If you are in a group of people (such as in a work meeting or in class), you can also use non-verbal cues to indicate that you want to speak, such as raising your hand.
Step 4. Take a moment to think about what to say
Don't rush to speak as soon as your interlocutor is done. Instead, pause for a few seconds to think about her words and formulate a response. This will also give you the ability to clarify or add something, if necessary.
- Think about whether what you want to say is useful or relevant based on the conversation.
- If necessary, ask your interlocutor for clarification before answering. One way to do this is to paraphrase what they say with your words.
- For example, you can say "What you are saying is that you are not satisfied with the presentation we have put together and that you want to redo some visuals. Is this correct?"
Step 5. Interrupt politely if you don't have a choice
While it is best never to interrupt if you can avoid it, there are times when it is necessary. If you must do this (for example, if you have not heard well or you have not understood something) or you have to cut the conversation short for any reason, do it politely and with an apology or say "Excuse me."
- For example, if you think you have misheard the speaker, you can say "Excuse me, could you repeat that last? I couldn't hear you well."
- If you have to interrupt because you are late for another appointment, you can say, "Sorry to interrupt, but I have to rush to get to a meeting. Can we talk about this next time?"