Communicating with confidence is an important life skill. Being assertive in conversation with others will help you express what you want and need, and stand up for yourself and your values. Whenever you want to persuade your friends to go to a restaurant of your choice or write an email to your boss asking for a raise, trusting yourself in speaking and writing can improve your life. Projecting confidence in yourself and your ideas helps others pay attention (and hopefully be persuaded).
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Be Safe in Conversations and Presentations
Step 1. Make eye contact
Eye contact with your interlocutors shows respect and maintains attention. If you speak to a crowd, check their foreheads if eye contact causes you discomfort.
Step 2. Maintain good posture
A straight back and a high but relaxed head is a good way to show confidence. If you feel better, you will communicate with more confidence.
Step 3. Avoid fidgeting or "tweaking."
This shows your nervousness. Adjusting your clothes all the time, for example, can be distracting to a listener or someone who speaks directly to you. Relax and listen to the words of your interlicutor.
Step 4. Avoid filler words
When people speak, sometimes their sentences are peppered with filler words like "huh", "like", "I mean", "you know", and so on. This may be a matter of habit or a way in which the person buys time while thinking about what to say. Regardless of the reason, it can make you seem hesitant and unsure. Instead of saying "Hey …" the next time you need a second to organize your thoughts, feel free to be silent for a moment.
You may feel uncomfortable at first, but it won't seem like you panic because you don't know what to say, but rather you choose your words carefully
Step 5. Smile
A confident smile (even if you don't feel that way) will project confidence to those around you. The added benefit is that it will help you start to feel better and less nervous.
Step 6. Look the person in the eye
This shows your confidence. As much as you may not feel assertive, eye contact can be a great way to gauge how the conversation is going. Project confidence and you will begin to feel it.
Part 2 of 5: Use Assertive Communication
Step 1. Identify and communicate your needs and wants
Be clear about what you ask for. Whether it's your spouse or boss, sometimes people don't say exactly what they think. To be more assertive, politely and honestly tell people what you need from them.
- For example, you can say, "I know it's convenient for me to be available via email on the weekends, but I can't do it anymore. I need time with my family. I hope you understand that I need to focus on them during those days."
- You can also say, "I feel overwhelmed by making dinner every night after I get home from work. Could you choose two nights that you are willing to make dinner each week?"
- Another example dialogue might be "I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to volunteer at school this year. I have a new position at work that requires me to work longer hours":
Step 2. Stand up for yourself
It's horrible to feel attacked in a conversation, but there are certain steps you can take to reverse the situation. Be assertive without being pushy, and move the conversation into a more productive area. Use first-person affirmations to make yourself more assertive.
For example, you can say "I don't agree that this is a bad idea," "I feel like you're too negative about this," or "I think this might work."
Step 3. Try the fog bank technique
This technique helps defuse negative and aggressive conversation. Return some of the criticism to yourself (basically, show yourself according to the other person's characterization of you) and show your concern for the other.
- For example, your coworker might say, "You have missed the project meeting and I have no way to make it up. I am seriously considering returning you to the packaging department."
- You can respond by saying, "I understand that I missed the meeting due to poor time management on my part. I knew you would be upset."
Step 4. Try the scratched disc technique
Sometimes a situation might require constant repetition of your problem. This can happen very frequently when dealing with customer support, either in person or over the phone. The broken record technique can help keep the conversation focused the way you want it to.
- For example, a customer might tell you "This fan worked one day and it broke. I need a replacement."
- You can reply "Sorry, but our sales are final" or "Once an item leaves the store, we cannot guarantee how you will use it, so we cannot give you a new one."
- If the customer continues to be upset, you can calmly say "Let me explain it to you."
Step 5. Use a "Thanks, but no" construct to maintain your posture
If someone tries to get you to do something you don't want to do, stand up for yourself.
For example, you can say "Thank you, but I don't want to have a drink with you," "Thank you for telling me, but I don't agree with you anyway," or "Thank you, but I don't think I'm comfortable with that."
Part 3 of 5: Get your ideas across
Step 1. Be clear
Establish the points you want to convey firmly and without going off-tangent. Start with your main point; don't bury it. Use carefully chosen words to make your point.
Step 2. Choose your words carefully
Establish strengths. Avoid words like "could" or "maybe". Use strong declarative sentences, as they show confidence in you and your ideas.
Step 3. Know your audience
Make sure the vocabulary you use is appropriate for the people who will listen to you or read your work. Don't use complex words for elementary school students and don't avoid complexity for college students, for example.
Step 4. Avoid jargon
Don't assume everyone will know what you're talking about if you use vocabulary from a specific subject or job. If you use such vocabulary, explain it the first time so that the audience can understand.
Part 4 of 5: Public speaking
Step 1. Write your comments in advance
Some people are very comfortable speaking without a guide at hand, but others take a lot of practice. To communicate confidently, you need to be comfortable with your material, and often that requires thinking ahead. Write everything you want to say.
Step 2. Practice
Before standing in front of the audience, say the comments in your mind. Once you read them and feel comfortable, do it for a family member or friend. Ask for help to convey confidence and any other suggestions this person may have to improve your presentation.
Step 3. Bring the text of the speech or take notes
Decide if you want to have all the text in front of you or prefer to use cards to give the presentation. Some people may want to memorize their comments, but this takes a lot of practice (and the foreknowledge that you won't freeze and forget everything in front of people). It's probably best not to go without papers or cards. You need something that can help you get back on track if you feel nervous.
Part 5 of 5: Express yourself in writing
Step 1. Show your mastery over the material
If you write an article, show your knowledge of the relevant information and how your work fits. Mention the authors you have worked with to acknowledge their contribution and that you build on what they have done.
Step 2. Present strong evidence
After making your point, clearly write the supporting evidence. Explain why you feel safe with the uncovered evidence; perhaps you can detail how you have done your research.
Step 3. Cite the information
Part of communicating with confidence means giving credit to where it belongs. If your ideas and evidence are from someone else's work, be sure to cite them.