Do you always feel the need to talk? You may have noticed that people get upset with you when you speak or seem to lose interest in what you say. If you want to stop talking so much, you will need to think before you speak and acknowledge that being silent may be appropriate. Don't just focus the conversation on yourself; For which, you must learn to listen actively and ask questions. Seek the support of your friends and family as a guide, and learn to adapt your talkative behavior to each social situation you are in.
Method 1 of 3: Learn to Be Aware of Your Behavior
Step 1. Evaluate the reasons why you are very talkative
Maybe you love talking about yourself and don't even notice that it bothers people. You may have a nervous need to fill the silence because it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe you feel the need to talk because you are nervous and feel like you have to express what you want to say.
- Consider possible reasons why you are very talkative.
- Evaluate if there are certain situations or people that make you more talkative. Maybe you're excited about something or someone, or maybe you're just nervous.
- By analyzing the situations in which you are the most talkative, you can begin to control your behavior more effectively.
- Keep a journal for a few weeks to identify behavior patterns and possible triggers.
Step 2. See if people get upset or bored when you speak
Do you notice that you do not stop talking? You may end up apologizing for your behavior afterwards. Reflect on cases in which your talkative character hinders others. For a while, you will have to focus on paying attention to these things whenever you have a conversation. Over time, this will become something that you will notice naturally. Keep in mind that you should stop talking (or at least touch on a different topic) in the following situations:
- The person is not paying attention or is talking to someone else.
- The person appears to be bored or uninterested.
- She is distracted; for example, looking at your phone, tablet, or computer.
- She is working.
- You are talking too fast and cannot focus on what you are saying.
Step 3. Don't make the conversation focus entirely on you
Talking about yourself might be fun and interesting for you, but it won't always be that way for others. Don't relate every situation to your life and to yourself. Find ways to connect what you are saying with the other person in the conversation.
- A conversation happens in two ways. Learn to slow down and give others time to talk.
- Remember a recent time when you talked a lot. What was the topic of the conversation? Did the situation seem to focus only on you and your interests?
- Be more interested in what others say and do. You could come off as selfish or self-centered if you and your interests dominate most conversations. The most effective way to do this is to ask questions!
Step 4. Think before you speak
You may feel like you need to say everything that comes to mind. Take a step back and take in what you want to say. Don't be too quick to speak before you realize what you want to say. This is especially true in public or group settings.
- Sometimes when you speak first and think later, you realize that you have said too much or something that you should not have said.
- Take some time to absorb your thoughts. This will show maturity and patience.
- If you notice that you offend or irritate people with what you say, or when you speak constantly, remember to listen to your mind and think before you speak. Don't let your restless energy take over and make you talk.
Step 5. Accept that moments of silence are acceptable
Silence can be a beautiful thing. This can be useful to clear the mind and calm our thoughts. Silence doesn't always have to be strange or uncomfortable. Take a break and let the awkward silence turn into patience.
- Nonsensical conversations to fill the silence may make you feel calmer, but they may irritate others. Don't feel like you need to fill in the gaps. These moments could just be a sign that you should stop talking or move on to a topic that interests everyone, not just you. Have some gentle ways ready to leave a conversation when it comes to a natural end.
- Many people have no problem with moments of silence, especially as they age. See moments of silence as ways to absorb thoughts and feelings more clearly. If you always speak, you will not be able to really hear what you are feeling at that moment.
Method 2 of 3: Get Good at Listening
Step 1. Ask questions and show concern for others
Instead of focusing the conversation on you, stop and ask questions to show your interest in what others have to say. To avoid talking too much, it will be important that you learn skills to listen effectively. Conversations are not only about you, but also about all the people who participate in them.
- If you are talking about your day or something you do, ask the other person about their day or what they are doing. Give him a few minutes to talk.
- Stay focused on what they say. It will be rude for you to divert your attention; for example, to other people or to your phone. If the roles were reversed, you could get irritated if they don't pay attention to you.
- Ask questions about her. Get to know her better. You can say something about his family; interests; hobbies; favorite movies, sports or music; or other topics that can help you get to know it. See if you can recall something you learned from her that you can bring up the next time you talk to her. This will prevent you from talking about yourself and will indicate that you were interested in what he had told you.
Step 2. Encourage others to speak rather than fill the conversation
Imagine that you are the most talkative person in the group. You may have to talk more if others are silent. Instead of filling the silence with your words, encourage others to speak.
- Be aware that some people may be shy or may not feel as much of a need to talk. There will be no problem with it.
- Make them feel accepted and show interest in what they have to say. Say something like "What do you think about it?" or "I would like to know what you think."
- If you are in a group where people don't know each other or are not yet comfortable with each other, it may take more effort to get others involved, but this can be rewarding.
- The longer you keep others interested and involved by learning about them, the more likely they won't find you annoying for talking too much.
Step 3. Listen instead of interrupting others
Having interruptions in speaking is one of the common reasons that people get irritated with those who are very talkative. Give others time to talk and say what they want. Sometimes they may speak slower than you. Patience is a vital part of effective listening skills.
- Wait 3-5 seconds after the person stops speaking before you can intervene in the conversation. This will ensure that you have finished saying what you wanted to express.
- If you have a thought or opinion that comes to mind when someone else is speaking, don't interrupt them when they are in the middle of a sentence. Shortly apologize if you notice that you do. Let them know that it is something you are trying to improve. Look for silences or breaks when speaking before adding a comment.
Step 4. Learn to paraphrase or repeat what the person has said
An important element of effective listening skills is showing that you were not only paying attention to what the person was saying, but also that you understood it. If you paraphrase or repeat what someone has said, you will be asking them to clarify it, give you more information or help you understand better.
- This shows that you are really listening and that you want to focus on the person. For example, if someone indicates that they are anxious when planning a visit to family members for the holidays, you could say, "I think you are concerned about how you will feel when you see your family members."
- This will allow you to better understand things if there is a miscommunication or confusion about what has been said. This can be helpful if you are not sure what someone said or why they said it.
Method 3 of 3: Get Help
Step 1. Seek the support of trusted friends and family to address your talkative character
Be willing to listen to what others have to say about it. They may be able to give you helpful information on ways you can stop talking too much. Ask them to let you know if they notice you interrupt people or talk too much. Having other people help you hold yourself accountable will help you reach your goal more quickly.
- You can ask a trusted friend or relative if they have faced the same difficulties as you because they are very talkative. This person could explain to you what has helped them or what they have experienced.
- Listen to their suggestions for ways you can change your habits.
Step 2. You must be willing to adapt your communication style
At first it may seem difficult to change the way you talk or interact with others, but it will be important to find ways of communicating that adapt and change to fit in with other people.
- Know your audience. Is it a large group or just one person? Is it someone who is quiet or very talkative? Are you in a classroom, at work, or just hanging out with friends?
- Each situation may require a change in the way you communicate. Pay attention to what others say or do. If everyone is silent, think of ways you can be silent. If it's a social gathering, find ways you can engage others in the conversation.
Step 3. Know the various causes of talking too much
Part of the talkative character comes from differences in personality, such as being very outgoing. Other times, it could be a symptom of a physical or mental illness. Generally speaking too much is a habit related to nervousness or stress that can be controlled.
- Identify any concerns that your habit of talking too much is due to pressure and is something fast and seemingly uncontrollable. You may feel that you cannot stop yourself and that the pace of the speech has an inappropriate urgency. If this is the case for you, see a doctor or mental health professional for an evaluation. There may be medications or therapies that could help you.
- Determine if you always yearn to be with other people or if you gain energy from talking to others. You could be very outgoing, and therefore appear annoying to others if you are always restless and want to talk to others.
- Be aware that sometimes anxiety and stress can make you speak faster or faster. Find ways to notice what you are doing and redirect your mind toward staying calm, focused, and relaxed in the moment. Practicing mindfulness techniques and meditating can help.
Step 4. Get a counselor's opinion if your problem hurts your work or social life
If you feel like people are treating you differently or making you feel undesirable because you talk a lot, you can go to a counselor to find out how to deal with it.
- Find a counselor at your school, through an employee assistance program, or in the community. Ask them to show you how to improve your communication skills.
- Talk about how to set communication limits and how to respect the communication styles of others. He will be able to provide you with an unbiased and non-judgmental opinion on the situation.