4 ways to be mature

Table of contents:

4 ways to be mature
4 ways to be mature

Maturity is not only related to age. There are 6-year-olds who are mature and 80-year-olds who are immature. Maturity is based on the way you treat others and yourself. It is the way you think and behave. So if you are tired of all the childish talk and fights going on around you, or if you want people to respect you more, try some of these techniques to learn how to become more mature. No matter how old you are, if you are mature, you will always be the oldest of the group.


Method 1 of 4: Develop Mature Behaviors

Be Mature Step 1
Be Mature Step 1

Step 1. Develop your interests

Lack of dynamic or developed interests or hobbies could contribute to an immature appearance. Finding something you enjoy doing and becoming an "expert" at it can give you the appearance of someone more experienced and mature. It will also give you something to talk about with others, regardless of whether they are also involved in your hobby or not.

  • Try to keep your hobbies active and productive. It's a lot of fun watching a marathon on a TV show, but it's not necessarily the best use of your time. This doesn't mean that you can't enjoy movies, TV shows, and video games, but they shouldn't be the only thing you spend your time on.
  • Hobbies can improve your self-esteem and increase your creativity. These can also stimulate the parts of your brain that make you feel positive and happy.
  • There are basically no limits to the types of things you can do! Get a camera and learn photography, learn to play a musical instrument, practice a new language, learn to beatbox, or create a group for a live role-playing game. Just make sure what you choose is something you enjoy doing; otherwise, it will become a chore rather than a hobby.
Be Mature Step 2
Be Mature Step 2

Step 2. Set goals and push yourself to achieve them

Part of being mature is being able to assess your current strengths, determine what areas need improvement, and set goals for the future. Consider the future and allow it to appropriately influence the decisions you make for your life. After setting clear, achievable, and measurable goals, take steps to achieve them.

  • Setting goals for yourself can seem overwhelming, but don't worry! This just takes a little time and planning. Start by determining what you want to improve. For example, maybe you want to start improving your resume for college. This is the basis of your goals.
  • First you have to think of a few categories: who, what, when, where, how and why.
  • Who. This is who will be involved in the process of reaching your goals. You are obviously the main person here; however, this category could also include a tutor, volunteer coordinator, or counselor.
  • That. What do you want to achieve? In this step it is important to be as specific as possible. "Prepare for college" is too broad. You will never start with a goal as big and ambiguous as that. Instead, choose some specific goals to help you reach that bigger goal, such as "volunteering" and "participating in extracurricular activity."
  • When. This helps you know when specific parts of your plan should be done. Knowing it will help you stay on track. For example, if you want to do volunteer work, you have to know if there is a deadline to apply, when the activities will take place and when you will be able to do them.
  • Where. It is often helpful to identify where you will work to achieve this goal. In the example of volunteer work, you could choose to work at an animal shelter.
  • How. In this step you must identify how you will accomplish each stage of your goal. For example, what is the process you must go through to contact the shelter to volunteer? How will you get to the shelter? How will you balance volunteering with your other responsibilities? You have to think about the answers for these types of questions.
  • Why. Believe it or not, this is probably the most important part. You are more likely to reach a goal if it is important to you and you can see how it fits into a "big picture." Determine why this goal is important. For example, "I want to volunteer at the animal shelter to make my resume more attractive to college pre-training programs."
Be Mature Step 3
Be Mature Step 3

Step 3. Determine the best time to be fun

You don't have to be serious all the time to look mature. True maturity is knowing your audience and determining when it is appropriate to be funny and when it is important to be serious. It's nice to have different levels of fun to be able to modify your actions appropriately.

  • Try to set aside part of the day just for fun. You need time to vent and have fun. Take a short time each day (eg, after school) to indulge in crazy shenanigans.
  • Keep in mind that fun is often inappropriate in formal situations, such as school, church, work, and particularly funerals. You must pay attention, do not joke with people. Being funny in these situations often communicates immaturity.
  • However, informal situations like hanging out with your friends or even spending time with your family can be great times to be fun. This can even help you bond.
  • Set some parameters for times when you can and cannot tell a joke or be funny. Don't use cruel or degrading humor or jokes.
Be Mature Step 4
Be Mature Step 4

Step 4. Be respectful of others

We all have to live together in the world. If you do things on purpose to upset others or if you do whatever you want without taking into account the feelings of others, people may consider you immature. Remembering the needs and wants of the people around you will help you cultivate a reputation as a mature and respectful person.

Being respectful of others does not mean that you should allow yourself to be trampled on, but rather that you should listen to them and treat them the way you would like them to treat you. If the other person is rude or unpleasant to you, don't respond in the same way. Show that you are a better person by walking away

Be Mature Step 5
Be Mature Step 5

Step 5. Choose mature friends

Your friends will influence your behavior. Make sure you associate with people who make you better, rather than hang out with those who demoralize you.

Method 2 of 4: Develop Emotional Maturity

Be Mature Step 6
Be Mature Step 6

Step 1. Don't be a bully

Bullies' behavior often stems from a sense of insecurity or low self-worth. This can be a way for people to test their power and ratify it over others. Bullying is bad for victims and the people who bully them. If you perceive that you are displaying bullying behavior, talk to someone you trust (such as a parent or a school counselor) to find out how to stop.

  • Bullying has three basic types of harassment: verbal, social and physical.
  • Verbal harassment consists of actions such as calling names, threatening others, or making inappropriate comments. While words do not cause physical harm, they can cause deep emotional wounds. Be careful what you say and do not tell others what you would not like to be told.
  • Social harassment consists of damaging a person's reputation or social relationships. Avoiding others, spreading rumors, humiliating them, and gossiping are types of social bullying.
  • Physical harassment is hurting someone (or damaging their belongings). All physical violence, such as taking or destroying someone's belongings or making rude gestures are forms of physical harassment.
  • Also, don't allow bullying to happen when you're around. While you don't have to be physically involved with a bully (in fact, that could be very dangerous), there are many ways you can help create a bullying-free environment. Do the following:

    • set a good example by not harassing others;
    • tell bullies that their behavior is not funny or cool;
    • be nice to victims of bullying;
    • tell responsible adults about the bullying.
  • If you feel like you have a problem with bullying, consider talking to a counselor or therapist. You may have some more complex issues that make you feel like you have to denigrate or annoy others. A counselor can provide you with methods by which you can develop more positive relationships.
Be Mature Step 7
Be Mature Step 7

Step 2. Avoid gossip, rumors and talking about others behind their back

Gossiping, spreading rumors, and talking behind the back can hurt people just as a punch to the face would, perhaps more. Even if you haven't spilled a malicious gossip, it can still hurt. Mature people care about the needs and feelings of others, and they don't do things that could hurt them.

  • Gossiping won't necessarily make you cool or popular either. Studies have shown that gossiping can make you look great when you're in fifth grade, but in high school (when you'll hopefully be more mature), gossipers are often seen as less likable and less popular.
  • Don't encourage gossip, either. If someone tries to start a gossip when you're around, reprimand it. Research shows that when even a single person says, “Hey, gossiping about other people doesn't feel right to me,” it can make a difference.
  • Sometimes you could say something nice about someone and people might interpret it as gossip. For example, you might have said to a friend, "I really like hanging out with Ziyi, she's so much fun!" And someone else might tell someone else that you said something cruel. You cannot control the way other people interpret or respond to what you say. The only thing you can control is what you say and do. Make sure your words are kind.
  • A good test to determine if something is gossip or rumor is to ask yourself: Would I want other people to hear or know that from me? If the answer is no, don't share it with others.
Be Mature Step 8
Be Mature Step 8

Step 3. Be a better person if someone is mean to you

If you can ignore it, don't reply; your silence will communicate that what the person said was wrong. If you can't ignore it, just tell the person that their comment was rude. If the person apologizes to you, excuse them; if it doesn't, just walk away.

Be Mature Step 9
Be Mature Step 9

Step 4. Keep an open mind

Mature people have an open mind. Just because you've never heard or done something doesn't mean you should reject or dismiss it. Instead, view it as an opportunity to learn something new and different (or meet someone new).

  • If someone has a different belief or habit than you, don't judge them right away. Instead, ask open-ended questions like "Could you tell me more about it?" or "Why are you doing it?"
  • Try to listen more than you speak, at least at first. Don't interrupt people or say “But I think…”, let them talk. You will be surprised what you can learn.
  • Ask for clarification on what you have not understood. If someone says or does something that doesn't seem right, ask for clarification before immediately judging it. For example, if you think someone has insulted your beliefs, take a deep breath and then say something like, “I heard you said _______. Is that what you meant? " If the other person tells you that was not their intention, accept it.
  • Don't expect the worst from people. Approach situations keeping in mind that they are all human beings, just like you. They may not be trying to be cruel or hurtful, but they could also make mistakes. Learning to accept people for who they are will help you become more mature.
  • Sometimes you won't be able to agree with someone else, that's fine. Sometimes you just have to agree or disagree, this is part of being mature.
Be Mature Step 10
Be Mature Step 10

Step 5. Have confidence in yourself

Don't apologize for quirks or quirks you may have, even if others don't approve of them. You should feel free to express your individuality as long as your behaviors are not antisocial and do not cause any harm. Mature people do not question themselves or try to be something they are not.

  • Developing hobbies and skills that you are good at is a great way to build your self-confidence. You'll learn that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to, and you'll have a great skill set that you can share with others.
  • Be careful with your inner critic. If you notice that you have negative thoughts about yourself, think about whether you would say that to a friend. If you wouldn't tell a friend, why would you tear yourself down? Try to rephrase these negative thoughts into helpful thoughts.
  • For example, you might think, “I'm such a loser! I'm very bad at math and can never improve. " This is not a helpful thought and it is definitely not something you would say to a friend.
  • Reframe it with what you can do about it: “I'm not very good at math, but I can push myself. Even if I don't get an A in class, I'll know I did my best. "
Be Mature Step 11
Be Mature Step 11

Step 6. Be authentic

One characteristic of true maturity is being true to yourself. You can be self-confident without acting arrogant or pretentious. A mature person does not have to criticize others harshly or pretend to be something they do not like.

  • Talk about the things that really interest you. When something matters to you, people can perceive it.
  • When you have negative thoughts about yourself, it can be tempting to go overboard trying to deny them. For example, if you think, "I'm really worried about next week's test," your first reaction might be to pretend that nothing scares you. This is not being yourself. It is more mature to admit that you feel insecure or vulnerable. We all have times when we don't feel safe. This is completely normal.
  • Express your feelings clearly. Beating around the bush or being passive aggressive are not mature or authentic ways to deal with your feelings. Be courteous and respectful, but don't be afraid to say what you really mean.
  • Do what you think is right. Sometimes other people might make fun of you or criticize you for it; However, if you follow your principles, you will know that you have been true to yourself. If people don't respect you, you won't want their opinion anyway.
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Be Mature Step 12

Step 7. Accept personal responsibility

Possibly the most important part of becoming a more mature person is accepting responsibility for your own words and actions. Remember that things don't happen to you for no reason. You have the power to act in your own life and your words and your actions have consequences for you and others. Accept responsibility for your mistakes. Recognize that you cannot control what others do, but you can control what you do.

  • Accept responsibility when things go wrong. For example, if you got a low grade on an essay, don't blame the teacher. Think about the actions you have taken to obtain that result. What can you improve next time?
  • Focus less on whether things are fair. Things will not always be fair in life. Sometimes you may deserve something that you haven't received. Mature people don't allow injustices to get in the way of their achievements.
  • Take control of what you can. At times, you may feel like you can't control your life at all. Part of it is true. You can't control whether the restaurant manager gives you a job or the person you like agrees to go out with you. However, there are things you can control. For instance:

    • In the workplace, you can refine and revise your resume. You can prepare for the interview as well as possible, dress professionally when you have a job interview, be on time, etc. You may not get the job, but you will have done everything that was within your control.
    • In relationships, you can be respectful, fun, and kind. You can be yourself when you are with other people. You can look vulnerable and tell the other person that you would like to be in a relationship. These are things you can control. Even if things don't work out, you can rest easy because you've stayed true to yourself and given your best effort.
  • Don't accept failure. Most of the time, people give up because it's easier than trying again. It's much easier to say "I'm a loser" than to say "Well that method didn't work, let's see what else I can do!" Accept responsibility for your decisions and choose to keep trying, no matter what else.

Method 3 of 4: Communicate Like an Adult

Be Mature Step 13
Be Mature Step 13

Step 1. Control your temper

Anger is a strong emotion, but it can be calmed. Don't overreact to unimportant little things. When you feel like you're getting angry, stop and take 10 seconds to think about your response before doing or saying something. This will prevent you from doing things you regret and help you communicate more maturely.

  • After stopping, ask yourself what is happening. What is the real problem? Why are you angry? You may find that you are very angry about something that happened two days ago and not about having to clean your room.
  • Think of possible solutions to the problem. Think about a couple of ways you might react before choosing one. What would solve what is happening?
  • Consider the consequences. This is the part where many people might hesitate. "Doing what I want" is often the most attractive solution, but will it really solve the problem? Or will it make it worse? Think about what the result of each option might be.
  • Choose a solution. After you have considered the possible consequences of each option, choose one that seems the best to you. Keep in mind that this will not always be the easiest or the most fun! This is simply part of becoming more mature.
  • If you have to say something, use a calm tone of voice and provide some reasonable arguments to justify your feelings. If the person just wants to argue and does not want to hear you, stay away from the conflict, it is not worth it.
  • When you are enraged or about to overreact, take a deep breath and count to 10. You must maintain self-control and not allow anger to take over.
  • If you have a bad temper, people might enjoy teasing you. When you control your temper, they will lose interest in angering you and will start to leave you alone.
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Be Mature Step 14

Step 2. Learn assertive communication techniques

When adults want to communicate in a mature way, they employ assertive techniques and behaviors. Assertiveness is not the same as boastful attitude, arrogance, or aggression. Assertive people express their own feelings and needs clearly, and listen when others do the same. Arrogant and selfish people do not care about the needs of others and focus on getting what they want when they want it, regardless of whether this causes unhappiness to others. Learn to stand up for yourself without being arrogant or aggressive and you will definitely feel more mature. Here are some ways to communicate assertively:

  • Use first-person phrases. Second person phrases make other people feel blamed and ignored. Staying focused on what you feel and experience allows for mature and productive communication.

    For example, instead of telling your parents, "They never listen to me!" Try using a first-person phrase like "I feel like they haven't heard my point of view." When you say you "feel" a certain way, the other person is more likely to want to know why

  • It also recognizes the needs of others. Life is not just about you. Communicating your feelings and needs clearly is great, but remember to also ask others about theirs. Thinking of others first is a true sign of maturity.
  • Don't jump to conclusions. If you're not sure what happened to someone, ask! Do not judge in advance, remember that you do not have all the information.

    • For example, if your friend has forgotten that you were going shopping together, don't assume it's because he doesn't care or is a terrible person.
    • Instead, use a first-person phrase and then invite him to express his feelings: “I was very disappointed that you couldn't go shopping with me. What happened?".
  • Offer to collaborate with others. Instead of saying "I want to go skating," ask others for their opinion: "What would they like to do?"
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Be Mature Step 15

Step 3. Avoid constantly swearing

Many people and cultures expect mature people to communicate without cursing or swearing. Swearing can shock other people or even make them feel like you're disrespecting them. Swearing can also make other people think you are incompetent or bad at communicating. Instead of swearing, try expanding your vocabulary. When you learn new words, use them to express yourself.

If you swear frequently when you're angry or when you've hurt yourself, try making it a game to create creative exclamations. Instead of swearing when you tap your finger, it's a lot more fun (and more surprising) to say something creative like "Chocolate monkeys!"

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Be Mature Step 16

Step 4. Speak politely and avoid raising your voice

Raising your voice, especially if you are angry, is likely to make people uncomfortable. They might even decide to stop listening to you. Yelling is what young children do, not mature adults.

Use a calm, even tone of voice, even if you are angry

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Be Mature Step 17

Step 5. Watch your body language

Your body can say a lot just like your words. For example, crossing your arms in front of you can tell other people that you are not interested in what they are saying. Stooping communicates that you are not really "there" or that you would like to be somewhere else. Learn what your body communicates and make sure it is what you want to express.

  • Keep your arms relaxed at your sides, rather than crossing them in front of you.
  • Stand up straight with your chest out and your head in a position parallel to the floor.
  • Remember that your face also communicates. Don't look up or stare at the floor.
Be Mature Step 18
Be Mature Step 18

Step 6. Talk to people about mature topics

Examples of mature topics include school, the news, life experiences, and the lessons life has taught you. You can obviously take the time to be fun with your friends. It's all about considering your audience. You probably won't talk about the same topics with your best friend and your math teacher.

  • Make questions. One of the signs of maturity is intellectual curiosity. If all you always do is talk to someone, you won't look very mature. Give the floor to other people. If someone says something interesting, say "Tell me more!"
  • Don't pretend to know something you don't really know. It can be difficult to admit that you don't know something; after all, you want to look mature and informed. However, pretending to know something and finding out that they don't could make you look (and feel) like a fool. It's much better to say something like, “I haven't read much about it. I will have to check it out!".
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Be Mature Step 19

Step 7. Say something nice

If you can't say something positive, keep quiet. Immature people are constantly criticizing things and pointing out other people's flaws, and they won't hesitate to give you hurtful insults in general. Sometimes they justify cruelty by saying that they are just "being honest." Mature people choose their words carefully and don't hurt people's feelings just by being "sincere," so remember to be careful what you say and don't say anything that hurts the feelings of others. Treat people the way you would like to be treated.

Be Mature Step 20
Be Mature Step 20

Step 8. Learn to sincerely apologize for your mistakes

No matter how careful you are, from time to time you will say the wrong thing or inadvertently hurt people. Everyone does things you study at times, since no one on this planet is perfect. Learn to swallow your pride and say "I'm sorry." Sincerely and authentically apologizing when you've done something wrong shows true maturity.

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Be Mature Step 21

Step 9. Tell the truth, but be compassionate

This is a very difficult skill to master, but thinking about whether you would want someone to say something to you can help you determine what to say. In Buddhism, there is a saying: “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true? Necessary? Is it noble? Consider it before speaking. The people around you will appreciate your sincerity, and your compassion will show that you really care about others.

  • For example, if a friend asks you if her dress makes her look fat, think about what would be most helpful. Beauty is very subjective; therefore, giving him an opinion about his appearance may not be helpful. However, telling your friend that you appreciate her and that she looks just the way she is could be the confidence booster she needs.
  • If you really think your friend's outfit is unattractive, there are subtle ways to say it if you think it will help. For example, if you say "Hey, I like the red dress better than this one," you won't judge your friend's body (no one needs that), but you will answer the question if she looks gorgeous.
  • Behavioral scientists suggest that some types of dishonesty are "prosocial," little lies you tell to help others not feel ashamed or hurt. It is up to you to decide if it is something you want to do. No matter what you decide, do it with kindness.

Method 4 of 4: Be Courteous

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Be Mature Step 22

Step 1. Use good manners when interacting with people

Give a firm, steady handshake and look the person directly in the eye. If your culture has a different way of greeting, use it appropriately and courteously. When you meet someone, make an adequate effort to remember their name by repeating it: "Nice to meet you, Wendy." Good manners communicate that you respect the other person, which is the behavior of a mature person.

  • In all conversation, listen carefully and maintain eye contact. However, don't stare at the other person. Use the 50/70 rule: make eye contact 50% of the time you speak and 70% of the time the other person speaks.
  • Avoid fidgeting your hands or playing with random objects. Fidgeting your hands is a sign that indicates a lack of security. Keep your hands open and relaxed.
  • You don't sit around thinking about the places you'd rather be. Most people are very good at perceiving that an interaction does not matter to you and this will hurt their feelings.
  • Don't talk on your cell phone or send text messages when you have to pay attention to the person in front of you. This communicates a lack of respect.
  • When approaching a new situation or community, be calm for a moment and notice how other people act. It's not your job to tell other people what they should or shouldn't do. Instead, watch and be respectful.
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Be Mature Step 23

Step 2. Show good manners when communicating online

Using good internet manners shows that you respect your friends and other people you interact with online. This is a sign of maturity. Keep in mind that much of what you say on the Internet can also be seen by potential employers, teachers, etc., so do not say anything that could embarrass or hurt you.

  • Avoid strong or offensive language. Don't use exclamation points excessively. Remember that you are not there in person to make your point, so make sure you don't overwhelm your audience.
  • Use the shift key. Capitalize the beginning of proper nouns and sentences, instead of writing everything in lower case. Avoid capitalizing FORMA eXtRaÑa, as this makes what you type much more difficult to read.
  • Avoid writing EVERYTHING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. On the Internet, this is the equivalent of yelling. You can do this if for example you are posting a tweet stating that your hockey team just won the championship, but it is not a good idea to do so in everyday emails and social media posts.

    You can only do it in certain words when you want to emphasize

  • When you send an email, use a greeting (the word "Dear" in "Dear John"). Starting an email without one is rude, particularly if it's directed at someone you don't know very well or someone like a teacher. Also use a closing, such as "Thank you" or "Sincerely."
  • Check your email before sending or your social media posts before posting to make sure you haven't made a mistake. Use complete sentences and be sure to use the appropriate punctuation at the end of each sentence.
  • Use abbreviations, jargons, and emoticons sparingly. You can use them in a casual message to a friend, but don't use them in an email addressed to your teacher or in another situation where you want to look mature.
  • Remember the golden rule on the internet, just like the golden rule in real life. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

    If you want a person to be nice to you, be nice to them too. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

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Be Mature Step 24

Step 3. Be a helpful person

Open the door, help collect things and offer help to anyone who needs it. Also consider being of service in your community, such as teaching a younger student, tutoring, or working at an animal shelter. When you give other people happiness, you are more likely to feel happy with yourself. Caring for others instead of just caring for yourself is very mature behavior.

  • Being helpful can also improve your self-esteem. Studies have shown that when we help others, we develop a sense of accomplishment and pride in what we have done.
  • Being helpful is not always reciprocal. There may be times when you help others and they won't say "thank you" or help you back. That depends on them. Remember that you are being of service for yourself, not to get something from others.
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Be Mature Step 25

Step 4. Avoid trying to be the center of attention at all times

If you constantly take control of conversations and talk about yourself at all times, instead of giving the floor to others, this is disrespectful and shows immaturity. Showing a true interest in other people's interests and experiences can make you appear more mature and less self-centered. You could also learn something new or develop a respect for someone based on what you've heard.

Be Mature Step 26
Be Mature Step 26

Step 5. Accept compliments and criticism with maturity

If someone compliments you, just say "thank you." If someone criticizes you, be polite and say something like "Okay, I'll definitely think about it." The criticism may not be valid, but handling it with courtesy will make you look mature at the time.

  • Try not to take criticism personally. Sometimes people may be trying to help, but they may be communicating inappropriately. If you think that's the case, ask for clarification: “I heard you said you didn't like my essay. Could you be more specific so that next time it will be better for me? "
  • Sometimes criticism says a lot more about the people who make it than it does about you. If the criticism seems unfair or hurtful, remember that the other person may just be trying to feel better by criticizing you harshly. Don't let it get to you.
  • Accepting criticism with kindness doesn't mean you can't stand up for yourself. If someone hurts your feelings, calmly and politely say: “I'm sure you didn't mean it with this intention, but when you criticized my outfit, it hurt my feelings a lot. Next time, could you not comment on my appearance? "


  • Be kind and understanding, and make everyone consider you their friend! Don't be nice just for one day, but at all times.
  • Maturity is difficult to obtain. However, don't change your identity just to become more mature. Instead, try to be yourself and act your best. It is no longer about who is older and who is younger. If you want the people around you to take you seriously, think and take action on how you want to be heard, just make sure to stand your ground and defend your position once you've acted. If something has gone wrong, do your best to stay calm and think about what you will do next, do not blame others, you took the action and you are responsible for it. Be mature and responsible.
  • When you face a conflict with other people, avoid arguing and try to resolve it in a calm and rational way. If it turns into an argument, end it as quickly as possible.
  • Treat others as you would like to be treated. Basically, this is the definition of maturity.
  • Write down your goals for reaching maturity and plan how you will reach them. For example, you may decide that you will start by being silent, rather than talking about yourself all the time. Work on it for a week and then see how it went. Even if you don't get it perfect the first time, keep trying.
  • Show benevolence. Even if someone doesn't deserve a second chance, give it to them. This will make you a better person and look mature.
  • Learn how you should look in different settings. Spiky orange hair can communicate your individuality, but if you have a job in a formal setting, your appearance could lead people to assume that you are immature, even if this is not true.
  • Also try to focus on other people's problems. This will make you look more mature.
  • Punctuality is a virtue!
  • Take criticism seriously. If someone says that you act like a child, sit back, relax and find a way to be a better person. Don't be upset by what the other person says, but rather see it as motivation to find out who you are.

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