Most people know someone who seems to make every situation toxic and impossible. However, it will not be of much use for you to show that these people are difficult and demanding, because it is most likely that they do not even know that they have a problem. Whether the problem is the product of a personality disorder or some other underlying problem, you can learn to interact with impossible people and preserve your own sanity.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Handling Conflict
Step 1. Don't get defensive
Keep calm and keep in mind that you will never win an argument with an impossible person, because he does not receive this qualifier for nothing. In her mind, you are the problem and nothing you say will convince her to see your perspective on the story. She feels that your opinion doesn't matter because you are guilty anyway.
- Think about what you will say before saying it and your goal for the conversation. Don't just react impulsively because the other person offended you. You don't need to defend yourself against it.
- Use affirmations in the first person instead of the second. For example, don't say something like, "You are wrong," and instead say, "I feel like that statement might not be the whole truth."
Step 2. Walk away, disconnect and calm down
Staying calm in the heat of the moment is extremely important to your personal preservation. Expressing angry words and reacting with extreme emotions such as crying will only stimulate impossible people to make their behavior worse. Don't take impossible people's reactions to heart, and avoid overloading yourself emotionally in reaction to the person in question.
- Detach yourself emotionally from the situation and treat it with indifference. The goal is not to get emotionally involved in the conversation, to keep the person at a distance, and not to let the words make you feel bad.
- Redirect the situation or conversation toward something positive by focusing on something other than the central point of the discussion. Talk about the weather, the fishing, the impossible person's family, or anything else that allows you to deviate from the discussion and doesn't cause further conflict.
- Consider the fact that anything you do or say during an angry moment can be used against you. Unless you don't mind hearing an angry comment from time to time, let things run their course. Impossible people will want to tell you something to show that you are the one who is wrong.
- Don't judge the person as right or wrong even when it seems irrational. Making judgments will probably only make you feel worse.
Step 3. Avoid arguing with this person
If possible, avoid disagreeing with impossible people. Find ways to be nice or ignore them. Getting into an argument will only get you emotionally involved in the situation and trigger your fight or flight response, making it difficult for you to think and react appropriately.
Impossible people are always looking for a confrontation, so when you agree with them or with any of their statements, you stop giving them what they want. For example, if an impossible person calls you a "fool," acknowledge a time when you acted incorrectly. This attitude will correct an overgeneralization
Step 4. Realize that you probably won't have a reasonable conversation
Chances are, you won't be able to have a civil conversation with the impossible person. Remember the times you tried to have a civil debate with this person regarding your relationship with them. Most likely, he blamed everything on you.
- Whenever possible, use silence or humor with this person. Keep in mind that you cannot "fix" impossible people, because they will not be able to or will not listen to reasons.
- Avoid getting involved in an argument. Do not deal with this person face to face and always suggest the presence of a third party. If the person refuses, demand it.
Step 5. Ignore these types of people
Impossible people seek attention, so once they realize that you won't give them what they want, they will go to someone else who will react the way they want. Stay out of their business, out of their way, and avoid talking to them.
The outbursts of impossible people are similar to the tantrums of a child. Pay no attention to them unless these outbursts are disruptive, dangerous, or threatening. Do your best not to anger them or give them a reason to lose their temper
Step 6. Ask a thought provoking question
Asking the impossible person or group of people a question related to the topic, such as "What's the problem?" or "Why do you feel this way?" it can be of use. This shows that you are interested in the conversation and are willing to find the source of the disagreement. Reframing the impossible person's position to clarify irrationality can encourage them to come to a better conclusion.
Keep in mind that the impossible person might answer the question by trying to complicate everything with name calling, blame, changing the subject, or other behaviors
Step 7. Take a breath
If the person you are talking to drives you out of your mind, you need to remove yourself from the immediate situation. They may just want to irritate you, so show that they have no effect on you. It may be a good idea to walk away or do another activity to calm yourself down.
- If necessary, count to ten silently.
- If the person continues to behave in an impossible way, continue to ignore them. Over time, he will back down when he realizes that it doesn't affect you.
Step 8. Be confident
Express your views confidently and look the person in the eye when you communicate with them. Do not show him weakness, because if you look at the ground or over his shoulder, he could interpret it as such. Your goal is to be reasonable without being shy.
Step 9. Modify your strategy
Sometimes you can't walk away from the situation, so consider it a game. Learn the strategy of the impossible person and develop strategies to counter it in advance. In the long run, you'll find out what works and what doesn't, and you'll probably feel better as you find yourself three steps ahead of your wits. Just remember that your goal is to achieve mental liberation rather than mastery of this person.
- If the impossible person comes up to you and whispers something negative around other people with the belief that you don't want to respond and create a scandal, then say out loud "Do you really want to talk about this here?" This may surprise her and discourage her from showing her negativity in front of a group.
- If your plan doesn't go according to plan, always consider the possible consequences of your actions so that you can prepare for them.
- If the impossible person keeps finding a way to get closer to you, don't feel bad. Just remember what happened and come up with new strategies for next time.
- Impossible people stop being impossible when you can predict what they will say or do next.
Step 10. Check your body language
When you are around an impossible person, take into account your posture, the way you move, and your facial expressions. We reveal much of our emotions in a non-verbal way, so you don't want to reveal your own feelings without even knowing it. This will also help you maintain your own sense of calm and at the same time it could have a calming effect on the impossible person.
- You can use mindfulness to be more aware of your body, allowing you to monitor your body language more easily.
- Speak softly and move as calmly as possible.
- Avoid adopting confrontational body language, such as prolonged eye contact, aggressive gestures, pointing, or standing directly in front of this person. Keep a neutral facial expression, don't shake your head, and stay out of his personal space.
Part 2 of 4: Accept the situation
Step 1. Keep in mind that it could be a compatibility issue
Even if one person seems to get along with everyone, it might be impossible for you. Some people just disagree and don't get along with each other. There may be nothing wrong with either of you, but by being together you bring out the worst in yourself.
When an impossible person says something like "Everyone loves me," what they do is try to blame you. How he interacts with others is irrelevant, as there is a problem with his interaction with you. Remember that guilt does not alter the facts
Step 2. Avoid acquiring "impossible" traits
You tend to mimic the behavior of the people around you, and as a result, you could accidentally adopt the same traits that you dislike. You could adopt the same irrational and manipulative behavior in response to the impossible person. Therefore, be aware of the moment when you begin to do so and make a deliberate attempt not to imitate the offending traits.
Step 3. Consider what you can learn
Impossible people provide valuable life experiences. After dealing with them, you may have an easier time relating to almost everyone else. Try to keep perspective and keep in mind that what may seem crazy to you may be the only way a person has to deal with things. Try to see these interactions as a way to develop strengths such as flexibility, grace, and tolerance.
Never be fooled by a person's age, intelligence, or position in life when determining their level of maturity
Step 4. Prepare for emotional mood swings
If you manage to convince an impossible person that they made a mistake, they could have a sudden emotional breakdown. Instead of believing that you are right all the time, you will decide that if you can't be right right now, you will always be wrong. This is a coping mechanism that you use to generate sympathy from others.
- Some impossible people will employ erratic behavior to surprise and confuse. They may not even plan to do so. Resist the urge to allow this type of unpredictable behavior to intimidate you.
- Don't let these people mislead you by acting like they are being persecuted. If they really feel bad about what they did, react positively, but don't encourage them to manipulate you in this way.
Step 5. Focus on the positive
Many people have positive traits, so try to think of something. There could be something that the person in question does well or perhaps there was a time when you were able to relate well to them. If nothing positive occurs to you, then repeat something like "All life is precious" or "God or the universe loves it" in order to maintain control of your emotions, even when you do not love or value that person.
Step 6. Talk to someone
If you know someone who will understand the situation (a good friend, relative, counselor, etc.) talk to that person about it. They will probably understand you and will definitely help you feel better. It is better if the listener does not know the impossible person personally and is not involved in the same situations (eg a co-worker would not be suitable).
If necessary, state your problem in a journal or online community
Part 3 of 4: Protect Yourself
Step 1. Preserve your self-esteem
It takes a lot of effort to maintain a positive self-image in front of someone who considers you a bad person. Instead of listening to what the impossible person says, focus on the people who validate you and make you feel good. Know that the impossible person wants to hurt you to feel better.
- Realize that the impossible person is the problem, not you. This could be difficult because impossible people are good at redirecting blame and making you think you are wrong. However, if you accept responsibility for your mistakes and shortcomings, and try to improve as a person, there is a good chance that you are not the impossible person.
- When he says something with the aim of hurting you, remember that all he wants is for others to say that he is an amazing person. You don't need validation like that.
- If the insults are unfounded, just ignore them. You are not as bad as the impossible person wants you and everyone else to believe.
Step 2. Protect your privacy
Impossible people will often find ways to use your personal information against you, even when it seems insignificant and small. They can fabricate entire stories and portray you as horrible based on a single comment you have made. As manipulation specialists, these people are very good at making you open up and tell them things.
Avoid saying anything personal to her, even if she seems like a normal person or acts like your friend at times. The things you say or confide in can unexpectedly turn against you either in your professional or personal life
Step 3. Be the opposite side of the impossible person
Be a "possible" person. Make sure that you and your life exemplify tolerance, patience, and kindness. Always try to be the reasonable person and consider all aspects of the story before drawing any conclusions.
- Just as bad behavior can negatively influence us, behaving in a tolerant, patient, and kind manner could influence others to improve.
- Accept that you are not perfect. You don't have to do everything right all the time, but do your best. Be respectful and if you don't receive that same respect in return, understand that it is the impossible person's problem, not yours. You will have good and bad days just like everything around you.
Step 4. Don't focus on the impossible person
Even if you can't avoid it in your everyday life, don't think about it during your moments of relaxation. Remember that thinking about that person all the time is the same as giving them your precious time when they don't even care about you. Do other activities and make new friends so you don't waste your time constantly thinking about what he said or did.
Step 5. Realize that you could be dealing with an emotional abuser
This type of person can paralyze you with their words and actions. Use tactics such as humiliation, denial, criticism, domination, guilt, demanding, and emotional distancing in order to create codependency. Never let the things they say define you. Keep in mind that the things they say and do are the product of childhood or unresolved past problems that they project onto you.
- The best thing to do is to be nice even if this person acts like an idiot in order to receive negative attention.
- If the person is alone but does not know how to attract attention, they will appreciate what you do and change.
- La is about a natural jerk who loves to irritate others, so your actions will enrage him because he will not be able to find a way to anger you. In time, this person will leave you alone.
Step 6. Set limits
Set the rules regarding what is right and what is not in the relationship. Determine that none of you will bring up certain topics, events, people, or behaviors in a certain way. It may be helpful to sit down with the impossible person and express what is okay and what is not okay, as well as what will happen if the boundaries are crossed. Allow him to make the decision to follow the rules or not.
- Write down some thoughts, and express the wants and needs that you have in your head. If she interrupts you, stop her and continue what you're saying until you're done. Act honestly and give them ultimatums if necessary, but focus on the benefits of maintaining and changing bad behavior.
- If you decide to have a personal relationship with an impossible person, keep as much as possible as a "possible" person. Find a hobby and focus on it, join a support group, or focus on your religion.
- Make sure you follow through with the consequences in case the limits are violated. Do not miss anything. If you said that a certain attitude would have repercussions, keep your word.
Step 7. Separate
In the long run, you will need to separate yourself from an impossible person. Even if it's a family member, you probably need to walk away at some point. A long-term relationship with an impossible person is not healthy. Therefore, get her out of your life as soon as possible.
- Stay away from the impossible person. No matter how much you love her or how much she tried to convince you that she has changed, don't relapse.
- If you can't leave her or get that person away from you right now, then mentally withdraw from the relationship until you can do so in a physical realm.
- Breaking a relationship with an impossible person can be painful at first, but it will be liberating in the long run once you can overcome old ways.
Part 4 of 4: Dealing with Personality Types
Step 1. Try to determine what bothers you about the person
We all have certain aspects of our personality that others can describe in a few words. Some people are clingy, controlling, victimizing, passive-aggressive, overly dramatic, or super competitive. If you can describe the personality of the impossible person who disagrees with yours, you can probably point out specific ways to deal with it.
- Clingy people are insecure and can be desperate for affection and love due to feeling weak and idolizing stronger people.
- Controlling people are often critical perfectionists who need to be right and often blame others for their behavior.
- Competitive people always want to win and often use any type of relationship, conversation or activity as a competition to show that they are better at something.
- Passive-aggressive people express their hostilities indirectly by subtly putting pressure on others. An example of this is the phrase "Don't worry about me, I'm fine" when you know that if you continue with whatever you are doing there will be problems in the future.
Step 2. Be aware of the things that don't work
Some things work better for certain types of people while others don't. It may take a bit of trial and error to figure out what will and won't work with the impossible person. It is also possible that there is nothing you can do to deal with it more easily most of the time.
- Avoiding clingy people will only make them try harder to hold on to you. However, rejecting them outright can make them your enemies. If you keep your distance, you will hurt their feelings.
- If you deal with a controlling person, you cannot show that you are right and they are wrong. You should always be right no matter what, and doing a better job won't help critical perfectionists stop your behavior.
- People who are very competitive will use what they see as weaknesses against you, so don't display emotions. If you fight back and try to win, they will tend to drop out of the discussion.
- Do not agree with the people who complain or try to appease them, because they will get angry with something else.
- Victims want you to feel sorry for them. Don't sympathize or allow them to make excuses. Be practical and offer your help in other ways.
Step 3. Determine what works
You can deal with certain personality types to deal with the negatives. He uses his strengths to resolve the conflict and stress of the relationship, as well as to minimize weaknesses. Dealing with some personalities in this way can produce very positive results.
Step 4. Deal with clingy, controlling, and competitive personality types
Understand why some types of people act the way they do. Clingy people need guidance and responsibility to build trust.
- Show clingy people how to do things and let them figure it out. Don't let them try to convince you that they shouldn't do something because you would do better. Find the situations in which you need help and ask for it.
- Don't be intimidated or let the speech of controlling people affect you. Acknowledge when you do a good job, but don't argue with them if they say otherwise.
- You can't let competitive people win. If you have an argument with such a person that they won't give up on, acknowledge their position and ask for time to investigate further.
Step 5. Deal with conceited people, complainers, or victims
Keep in mind that conceited people only need to feel that others are listening to them. For their part, complaining people generally have a great deal of internalized anger over unresolved problems and often need others to listen to them. Lastly, bad things always happen to victims, so they have an excuse to explain why they haven't accomplished something.
- If you have a problem with a conceited person, just listen to them.
- Put up with complaining people, acknowledge the way they feel, and try to stay away as long as possible.
- Ignore the reason why victims are late or cause trouble and react as normally as you would to someone else without an excuse. You can advise her but don't get emotionally involved.
Step 6. Deal with the histrionic and passive-aggressive people
The histrionic people are always looking for attention and will continually go to enormous lengths to get it. They must live in the right neighborhood, wear the right clothes, and send their children to the right schools. For their part, passive-aggressive people are often hostile because they do not know how to express their wants and needs effectively.
- Regardless of sex or gender, the histrionic people are often "drama queens." Avoid getting into a rollercoaster of drama and emotions with these people. Listen to them but keep your distance.
- Deal with passive-aggressive people by being very specific about behaviors and situations that could be a problem. Then try to address the problem by not reacting to the hostility. Set limits and encourage the person to express their wants and needs as well as how to ask for things assertively.