Whether you want to hang out with your friends at a mall in the afternoon or go to an upcoming event, you may need to ask your parents for permission first. Especially if you have very strict or overprotective parents, you should have strategies on your side. Do your research and be prepared to negotiate respectfully with your parents in order to get what you want.
Part 1 of 3: Schedule time to talk with your parents
Step 1. Ask your parents when they have time to talk
Time has to be on your side if you want to make sure your parents let you go out with your friends. Determine when your parents have a few minutes to sit down and talk to you about your plans. Stick to their schedules, not yours.
- If your family usually gathers for dinner, that would be a good time to talk. Or if your family relaxes on Sunday afternoons, that could also be an ideal time to talk.
- Plan around big events. If you want to ask permission for a concert that will be in a few weeks, don't wait until the last minute to do it. Parents appreciate preparation, especially when it comes to money and transportation.
- Last minute plans are usually not to the liking of parents; however, sometimes you may get permission to go to a quiet activity at a friend's house if you surprise them.
Step 2. Make sure they are in a good mood when you talk about your plans
Your parents will most likely say no to you, regardless of whether they are stressed or tired. Wait until some awkward situation happens, and then ask if you can hang out with your friends.
- Make sure you are not in trouble or punished before you ask permission.
- You will have to solve the problem of being grounded before you can expect your parents to let you do something extra.
- A good time to ask for permission would be when you finish your tasks and chores for the week. Or to sweeten the deal, do all of that after washing up your mess at dinner.
Step 3. Be patient when you wait to talk to your parents
Incessantly nagging will deter them from wanting to give you a positive response. Annoying parents are less likely to be overly condescending, and you'll be more likely to get into trouble if you push them too hard. Give them a few days to think about your questions.
Step 4. Stick to your family's schedule
Whatever your plans, it will be better for you to try and plan things according to your family's daily activities. Don't ask to talk to your parents about serious plans if it's a busy day. Instead, wait until everyone is home and enjoying the afternoon so that there is time to discuss your plans.
- For example, if your mom takes your sister to soccer practice, you could ask her to drop you off at a nearby mall since it's on the way.
- Coordinate your plans with those of your parents. Try not to ask for additional transfers too often, and instead think about how you can accommodate transfers around the city.
- Avoid asking your parents not to go to family events because of hanging out with your friends. Overloading them will make them less likely to give you a positive response in the future.
Part 2 of 3: Negotiating with your parents
Step 1. Prepare to present your arguments to your parents
Have all the details ready when your parents have time to talk. The more information you have, the better your argument will be.
- Tell them where you are going to go, who is going to be with you, how long you are going out and what you are going to do.
- Be completely honest at all times. If they find out about any kind of lie, you will lose the trust of your parents.
- Don't have too many details. Determine in advance if you will need transportation, if you will spend money, or if you will make reservations in case you want to attend a scheduled event.
- Start small and work toward something bigger. Before asking permission to go on a week-long trip, first try to ask permission to sleep at a friend's house for one night. Your parents may see that you can handle the little things and then trust you when you go out for long periods of time.
Step 2. Explain why you want to go
It might be obvious to you that you don't want to miss the big camp of the year or a super sale at the mall. However, from the other side, your parents may not know why it is something important. Therefore, be clear when you ask their permission. Explain why this opportunity is exciting for you.
If there are educational benefits, be sure to mention them as your parents will want you to be successful in school
Step 3. Tell your parents what they want to hear
They care about you and your safety and will want the best for you. Assure them that the place you are going is safe and that you are not a fool to do something that is dangerous or illegal. Promise to keep the cell phone charged with you and to communicate with them periodically while you are away.
- Let them know if an adult companion will be with you so they know that someone will take care of you.
- Even if they already trust you, telling them that you are someone they can trust will help strengthen your case.
Step 4. Stay calm when talking about your plans
Being dramatic and raising your voice will only cause you to show that you are still too immature to date. You can show emotion; However, don't let your enthusiasm turn to anger if things don't go your way. You will still have a chance to convince them, so don't spoil it by despairing.
- Even if it looks like your parents are going to give you a negative answer, try to do your best not to yell, yell, or cry out of frustration.
- Don't threaten or make demands. If your parents won't let you go out, you won't be able to convince them through threats (for example, stop doing your chores). You will only end up getting into more trouble (and of course a much harsher punishment will be applied to you).
Step 5. Give them time to think things over
After presenting your plans to your parents, give them time to think. For example, you could say something like "Thank you for listening to me and I understand if you would like some time to think about the decision." This will show that you are patient and mature, even if you just want to hang out at a friend's house playing video games.
Step 6. Involve your siblings only when necessary
Offer to take your brother or sister along with you if your parents are still unsure about letting you go out. Sometimes having a "mattress brother" will convince them that you will not misbehave.
- Siblings have a tendency to inform parents. This can work to your advantage in the negotiation since your parents will trust more if a brother accompanies you.
- However, make sure that you actually behave if a sibling goes with you as he could betray you to your parents.
Step 7. Accept defeat in order to win next time
Even if your parents give you a negative answer, that can be beneficial. Thank them for talking to you and don't get angry or yell at them. If you show maturity and understanding, even if they give you a negative answer, it is possible that the next time you ask permission for something they will be impressed by your behavior and they will give you a positive answer.
Part 3 of 3: Seal the deal
Step 1. Do all your chores and chores ahead of time
Make the effort to clean your room and finish all your school projects before going to ask your parents for permission. Don't give them a reason to question you, just finish everything so they are impressed by your ability to manage time with maturity.
If you don't have time before asking permission, promise that you will finish all your responsibilities before you leave
Step 2. Get your parents to talk to your friends or companions
Your parents will probably want to know if there will be an adult when you go out with your friends. Give them the opportunity to call and talk with other parents. Showing your parents that you will have supervision will help convince them to let you out.
If no adult will accompany you, do not lie to your parents saying that there will be one. They will in time know the truth
Step 3. Give your parents a chance to meet your friends
If they have never met the people you date, they might be suspicious. Invite your friends to your house first so they can meet your parents. That way, when you ask to go out with them, your parents will know and trust the people you are with.
Step 4. Be sympathetic to your parents
Some dignified begging or lowering yourself a bit can work. While you wait for your parents to give you permission, let them know how much you appreciate them by writing notes or just saying so. Showing your best behavior will help; However, it won't hurt if you do things like bring flowers home for your mom or if you leave your dad the last piece of cake.
- Be subtle and not too obvious. Parents realize the false things one can do just to get something.
- Don't overdo it. Be sweet to your parents but don't overdo it to the point that they think you are fake.
Step 5. Offer to do extra work at home
Do extra chores on top of what you are already expected to do. Wash the cars, mow the lawn before they ask, or help make dinner a few nights to get them in a good mood. Doing their work will allow them to relax more and be in a better frame of mind for you to ask and get permission to go out.
Step 6. Show your appreciation later
Thank your parents no matter what they say. Be grateful if they let you hang out with your friends. If they give you a negative answer, thank them too. Remember: your parents want you to have fun, but they also want the best for you overall. Be grateful for the love and protection they give you regardless of the answer.
- During the process of convincing your parents, make sure to be honest all the time, as well as when you go out.
- Damaging trust is the quickest way to get punished, as well as jeopardizing any future plans you may have.
- If you promised that you will not consume alcohol, follow it to the letter. Otherwise, forget about asking them for permission again the next time because they will deny it to you.