Divorce is one of the most overwhelming and emotionally draining experiences a person can have, which does not mean that it cannot be overcome. If you want to cope with your divorce, then you need to give yourself time to heal, learn to enjoy your single life, and know that you don't need to go through this process alone. Getting over a divorce takes a lot of time and energy, but it will help you feel more stable and centered once you let go of your failed relationship and learn to love your life again. If you want to know how to get over a divorce, just follow the steps below.
Method 1 of 4: Take your time to heal
Step 1. Take some time to let go of your sadness
If you want to cope with your divorce in the best possible way, then you need to give yourself time to let your sadness out. You can't expect your life to continue normally as soon as your ex leaves, or as soon as the divorce is over. Even if the relationship has turned sour long ago, you will need time to cope with the emotional pain that comes from ending someone you once loved deeply. Instead of opting for denial about how hurt you are, you should address your feelings of confusion, pain, and sadness.
- It's okay to allow yourself to cry for a while. This will be therapeutic and will make you feel better. It's better than keeping those feelings inside and letting them grow.
- If you don't want to socialize, talk to your friends, or be out and about, that's fine too. Even though you will feel better once you connect with the world and settle into a comfortable routine, you cannot expect to achieve it overnight.
- You can keep a journal to write down your thoughts of confusion and pain. This will help you recover while you understand your feelings.
Step 2. Free yourself from regret
Although you may come to have some regrets about the end of your marriage, whether you regret having hurt your loved one deeply, or not being there long enough, or not taking the time to do the little things. that could have helped the relationship grow, you can't waste your time wondering all day, "What if …" This will only make you feel more upset as you try to change things that are beyond your control.
- Try making a list of all the things you regret and then tear it to pieces. Once you have written down the things you regret, you will be able to face them more easily.
- Your ex is likely full of remorse, too. But remind yourself that that feeling will lead you nowhere.
Step 3. Don't go through this process alone
Once you are ready to talk to your family and friends about the divorce, it is best if you take the time to open up to your closest friends or family members, or even just one friend or sibling, so you don't have to Face all the bad feelings on your own Talk to your friends on the phone, meet them for lunch, or simply invite them to help you recover. You should also consider getting help from a mental health professional.
- You don't need to talk about your divorce if you don't feel ready to, but you can't save your pain and hurt yourself forever.
- Your friends can also provide a good distraction during difficult times. It is always good to have a friend around to help you free your mind from pain. Even if you are suffering from an incredible headache, you will be surprised to see how your best friend can still make you laugh.
Step 4. Accept that it is finished
You may not be able to accept that your relationship is over, even if your divorce is over. It takes time to accept the fact that your life with your partner would not turn out as you expected, but that does not mean that the rest of your life will not be able to move on without your ex. Take the time to realize that it's really over and that no matter how much you talk about it, how much better as a person, or how much commitment there is, nothing will change that fact.
- You will only be able to continue if you accept that your marriage is truly over. Until then, you will not be able to enjoy your new life.
- Reminding yourself that all the reasons your marriage ended and all the unhappiness this left you will help you appreciate the fact that it is all worth more.
Step 5. Take it easy
While you are beginning the healing process, it is best if you avoid being hard on yourself or raising your expectations about how you should behave. Now is not the time to lose those damn 20 pounds you always wanted to lose, or start working longer hours at your job to impress your boss. You can try to reach your goals once you feel a little more stable. Until then, just focus on staying afloat.
Don't scold yourself for eating too much, or waking up late, or forgetting a friend's birthday. Although you cannot use your divorce as an excuse for undesirable behavior throughout your life, you cannot demonstrate your highest standards in a moment of sadness either
Step 6. Cut off all communication with your ex (if you can)
If there are no children involved and you and your ex have already separated and divided their things, then it is best that you avoid talking, sending messages or even using social networks to communicate with your ex. And even though you might consider it “mature” of you to hang out with your ex to show that you can handle it, you shouldn't have coffee or chat with him / her on the phone until you really feel like you've gotten over it. This could take years, so be patient.
If there are children involved, then obviously you can't ignore your ex completely. You should talk to him when necessary and be as kind and friendly as you can, but don't use your kids to have a long, deep conversation about how they miss each other
Method 2 of 4: Adjust Your Mindset
Step 1. Prepare for a long process
Once you've started to heal, you can start to keep in mind the fact that it will take a long time to get over your ex. This is not about a school kids breakup, or even the end of a relationship that lasted a few years. A marriage required a stronger commitment and probably left you with greater weight, whether it is deciding who will get the home or how the children's visits will be arranged.
The faster you accept that you won't be able to get over a divorce in a matter of weeks, the faster you can get over it
Step 2. Admit your flaws (and try to improve them)
Even though you may blame your ex for the end of your marriage, you may not be completely blameless in the process. There must have been at least a few times when you could have acted differently, and you must have some personality traits that you must work on to ensure the success of your future relationships.
- Make a list of all the qualities you would like to change and plan a strategy to cope with them. This will give you a positive way to spend your time and will make you feel less angry about the end of your relationship.
- Don't make yourself feel more overwhelmed. Dealing with your flaws does not mean that you should feel like you are someone who is not worth it and who is full of negative qualities.
Step 3. Don't rush into a new relationship
Although you may consider that starting a new relationship will help you take your thoughts away from your ex, getting into a new relationship when the old one is still not over could be even worse. Dating someone new will make you compare that person to your ex and will also expend emotional energy on that person as you try to get over your failed relationship.
Rushing into a new relationship will not only make it harder to get over your old relationship, but it will also cause pain in that other person, who you are starting to date
Step 4. Don't drag your kids into this
Even though you may have strong feelings of remorse or even hatred for your ex after your divorce, dragging your children into this will make things worse and cause a lot of damage and confusion. Even if you and your ex hate each other, you must keep the tension away from your children and not allow them to see that hatred, or they will feel caught in the middle and will not be able to enjoy the time they spend with you and your ex.
- Don't tell your kids negative things about your ex. It will make them feel confused and hurt.
- When your ex comes to drop off your kids, try to at least be as friendly as you can.
- Children will have an intuitive sense that things are no longer going well between you and your ex, so you should try to pretend that things are normal as much as you can.
Step 5. Avoid making big decisions on the spot
You may have been considering going back to school, moving across the country, or quitting your job in search of a new career, but you should put big decisions on hold for a while until you feel more stable. Wait at least a few months before making a radical, life-changing decision to make sure it's not the product of divorce.
If you make a radical decision after your divorce, you may have to face too many changes at once. Wait until you feel a little more mentally level about the divorce, and then consider making another decision
Step 6. Find your own healing path
When other people hear that you are getting divorced, your ears will immediately be stunned by so much well-intentioned advice, much of which may be useless or does not apply to you. They might tell you that you should have an affair, stop believing in love, try to get on with your life right away, or try to be busy in an unhealthy way so that you don't even have time to breathe. However, you will have to find your own way instead of following all the advice you will hear.
Every relationship is different, and so is every end of a relationship. Therefore, you will have to decide which advice is most useful and find your own path to happiness
Method 3 of 4: Take Care of Yourself
Step 1. Take care of your own needs
It is important that you look within yourself and make sure that your body and mind are as reasonably healthy as possible during this time of crisis. Even though you may feel like all you do is lie down on the couch and cry, you should make sure to eat even when you're not hungry, to get out of the house and take a walk when your body needs to exercise, and to take your eyes off your body. television when your eyes need to rest.
- And if you crave ice cream or feel like hanging out with the girls but don't want to admit it, give in to it too. Do what your mind and body tell you to do instead of ignoring your true needs.
- The faster you start eating, sleeping, and doing the things your body and mind need on a regular basis, the faster you can get back to your normal life.
Step 2. Develop a solid routine
Although you shouldn't adjust your schedule so much that you can't get out for air, you should make sure to keep yourself as busy as possible so that you don't have as many hours to think about your divorce. Once you're ready, connect with at least a few socials, workouts, or time in your schedule set aside for the things you love, so that you have enough activities to keep you busy and give you something to think about.
- You should try to have at least one thing to look forward to each day, it might even be a call with a close friend or some time to watch that old Katherine Hepburn movie that you haven't seen in a decade.
- Setting goals can help you create a routine. For example, if you want to run 5k, then you will have to use a few hours a week to train.
- Try to mix. Don't fall back into the routine you had when you were married, or you'll miss your own life even more.
Step 3. Stay healthy
Although it is not necessary to make a radical change in the way you eat and exercise, working to maintain healthy habits will help you begin to feel more stable mentally and stronger physically. Try to eat three healthy balanced meals a day, get 7-8 hours of sleep around the same time each night, and exercise at least a few times a week.
- Do not exaggerate. Don't use your divorce as a reason to lose fifty pounds or become obsessed with it. You just have to stay healthy, in moderation.
- Exercising will make you feel positive and more energetic.
Step 4. Explore new interests
Use your divorce as an opportunity to try those things that you did not get to prove when you were married. Perhaps you always wanted to take an art class but the opportunity never presented itself, or perhaps you never had the opportunity to expand your cooking repertoire because you didn't have the time to do so. Now take some time to find a taste for Italian cuisine, ceramics, or foreign movies and enjoy expanding your mind and body and finding new things to keep you busy.
- Try classes at the gym closest to your home and take one that appeals to you. Don't be afraid if you are a complete beginner, you will not be the only one.
- Exploring a new interest will bring you closer to a wide variety of interesting people.
Step 5. Change your environment
If you ended up staying in the house you shared with your ex, then you may need a change. Although moving house may not be financially or practically possible, you can move things around inside the house so that your ex's presence is not lurking. Move your furniture or buy new ones, paint the walls, or even splurge on a new bed so that you can slowly eliminate the presence of your ex.
- If you want to take a little vacation, go on a weekend trip or take a trip across the country to visit a friend. Although taking a vacation is not a permanent solution to your divorce, it can help keep your mind off a few things.
- You can also change your mood by avoiding the bars, restaurants, or places that you and your ex used to hang out.
Step 6. Avoid alcohol as a coping mechanism
Although you may consider that drinking will ease your pain and make things easier for you to cope with your divorce, what it will actually make is that your problems are more difficult to overcome and it will bring you more physical and emotional pain. Although it can be fun to forget your divorce for a few hours and let go, don't drink to the point of not knowing where you are, losing control, and ending up embarrassing yourself and hurting others in the process.
If you want to slow down the way you drink for a bit, tell your friends. This will make it harder for them to pressure you into having a wild night
Step 7. Pamper yourself a little
You are going through a difficult time and you deserve to be pampered once in a while. Spend the day at a spa, go for a massage, or take a relaxing hot bath as your stress level decreases. You can also spend your money on an expensive haircut, manicure, or new clothes that make you feel amazing.
This is no time to be hard on yourself or punish yourself, instead let your body feel relaxed and cared for
Method 4 of 4: Keep going
Step 1. Enjoy your friendships
When you are getting over your divorce and beginning to feel like your old "self," you should take the time to appreciate your friends and see how much their help and support means to you. Take the time to have a deep conversation with your friends, go out at night to have fun, or take a yoga class or take a walk with your closest friends. Your friendship will grow as you feel that you become a more stable person.
- Use this time to reconnect with old lost friends and see if you can rebuild the friendship.
- You can also transform your acquaintances into friends. Don't be afraid to invite your friends over for a cup of tea or a movie.
Step 2. Enjoy spending time with your family
View your divorce as an opportunity to reconnect with your family and spend more time with your parents, siblings, and your children, if you have any. They will know that you are struggling to get ahead and they will be there when you need them, and you can trust your family no matter what happens. If your loved ones are on the other side of the country, plan a trip to see them, or just give them a call, write them an email, and connect with them whenever you can.
If you have children, spend more time and join them more than ever. They will need you during this difficult time as well and can help each other
Step 3. Enjoy being single
After a while, you will be able to enjoy the benefits of being single. You do not need to explain to anyone, you do not have to tell anyone (except your children) what you will do at night and you can make decisions for yourself, instead of considering what someone else wants about where you want to eat, what movie would you like to see and who will you go out with on the weekend at night.
- Have fun hanging out, dancing and flirting. There is nothing wrong with that.
- If you are single, you can dance with whoever you want, go on vacation for a weekend with your partner, or do what your heart desires.
- Don't see being single as a sad state, instead enjoy being independent, meeting new people, and being yourself.
Step 4. Start dating only when you are ready
Once a few months, or even a year or more, have passed and you feel like you've accepted your divorce and are ready to move on, then it's time to start dating someone else. You could create a new online dating profile, ask your friends to introduce you to a friend they have, or just open up to meeting someone new when you're away from home.
- You don't have to dive into a serious new relationship right away. Just hanging out with the same person a few times can put your life back on track.
- Go slow. Take the time to get to know a new person rather than opening up right away about your divorce.
Step 5. Do what you couldn't do before
See the time after your divorce as an opportunity to do the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't. Maybe your ex hated hiking but you've always wanted to give it a try, take this as an opportunity to become a hiking enthusiast. Maybe your ex hated classic movies, now you can watch every Cary Grant movie ever made. Maybe your ex hated traveling, now you can take your own vacation.