It can be difficult to know how to act around your girlfriend's parents, especially if you're meeting them for the first or second time. The important thing will be to be respectful and committed to make it clear how much you like your daughter. In the end, that will be the most important thing to them, they will not care if you are handsome or how much money you make. However, looking elegant and graceful will not hurt. Just remember that the displays of affection between you and her should be minimal and in a short time your girlfriend's parents will welcome you into their family.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Make a Good Impression
Step 1. Do your homework
Before meeting your girlfriend's parents, you should know a little about them. And if they've already met, then nothing will happen if you learn a little more about them before they meet up next time. Ask your girlfriend some basic information about them, such as what they work for, where they are from, what their hobbies are, or anything that helps you make a connection. Even having something in common like a favorite sports team or the fact that you and your girlfriend's mother work in the same area will help you converse and forge a connection.
- If you find out that you have something in common with their parents, don't mention it as soon as you meet them. Wait for the conversation to have a moment of silence to say something like: "So Mr. Sánchez, I have heard that you are also a fan of Barcelona."
- Be frank with your girlfriend instead of trying to get information from her. Tell him you want to know a few things about his parents to see if they have any affinity.
- You could even ask what they like, if they haven't met yet. If you know ahead of time that their father is sarcastic or that their mother is very talkative, then you might be more prepared to talk to them.
Step 2. Shake hands like a man
This won't be the time to shake hands like a wimp! During the presentation, shake hands with your father firmly and looking into his eyes, smiling and making him feel that you are honored to be there. Remember that they are responsible for giving you the girl you love, that is why they deserve your respect and admiration.
Step 3. Dress well
Make sure you wear something decent for your presentation. If you wear something too casual, they'll think that (A) you didn't care much about dressing well (which won't make a good first impression) or (B) you're stupid and don't understand the importance of the matter (which will also make a terrible first impression.). You should wear something cute and appropriate for the occasion. If you go to his house for a barbecue, then you can put on some jeans, a polo shirt and you will look good, but if you are going to dinner at a restaurant, then you will have to put on formal pants and a shirt.
Make sure to wash yourself well. Take a shower, shave well and style your hair
Step 4. Bring the appropriate gift
If you are going to his house for the first time, then you should bring flowers or another gift that shows that you are trying hard. You could also bring a nice bottle of wine, if you know their parents drink. Ask your girlfriend what they like. And even if they have already met you and are going to greet you, arriving home empty-handed will be rude. Bringing a gift, no matter how simple, will show that you are considerate.
Step 5. Maintain positive body language
Another thing to do is make sure your body language makes you look approachable and engaged. Stand or sit up straight, make eye contact, avoid hunching over and use your arms to make gestures, but keep them to the sides, but do not cross your arms. You should also avoid fidgeting, otherwise you will look bored or nervous. If you're at a dinner party, avoid the temptation to shove the food onto the plate. Keep in mind that your actions say the same as your words, and if you move your feet while trying to appear interested in what her mother is saying about parenting meetings, then she will notice that you are extremely bored.
Keep an open posture, direct your body towards their parents, not away from them. Doing so will show them that you are eager to talk to them
Step 6. Offer to help them or to clean up
If you have met his parents at home, then you should offer to help where you can. Maybe you can help Mr. Intimidating Father with the grill. Maybe you can help her mother clean the kitchen after a long and delicious meal. Maybe you can find another way to help out with something around the house to show that you care about them and that you want to be useful. Their parents will likely tell you they don't need help, but you'll still look like a gentleman when you ask them.
Try to observe their tones if they reject your help. You will see if they really mean it or if they want you to help them
Part 2 of 3: Treat Your Girlfriend Right
Step 1. Treat your daughter with respect
This is the single most important step you can take to earn them. All parents, even those who act hostile towards boyfriends, want their daughter to find a good partner who will respect her and treat her well. Show them that you are that person! Encourage your daughter when she talks, talk about how successful she is or how many qualities she has, do not belittle her or talk to her as if she is stupid. Be a gentleman and treat her like a lady.
Even if they tease in private, try to do it in front of their parents to a minimum, at least initially, until they have truly understood your dynamic. Otherwise, they might think that you don't respect her
Step 2. Make sure that the displays of affection are minimal
There are many other ways to show her parents how much you love her without trying to make out or fondle her in front of them. If you really want to show that you love her, then you should be respectful to her, hold her hand, or show her a little affection, but you shouldn't overdo it. Parents don't like any man touching their daughters, so remember that next time you're with the parents of your special girl.
Although you should not be cold or distant with her, not displaying too many expressions of affection will be a sign of respect for her parents
Step 3. Make it clear how much you love your daughter
After all, what matters most to parents is how much you love their daughter. You could be a billionaire or Ryan Gosling, but they won't care at all if you seem distant or arrogant with their daughter. While you won't have to praise her to the heights or force things into something that doesn't really exist, to make it clear that her daughter is a very special person to you, you will have to compliment her, show her affection subtly, and talk about her achievements or things you do together. Make them see that your intentions are serious and that you are aware of how special it is.
Even stopping what you have to do to be nice to their parents will show them how much they mean to you. If you act like you don't care what they think of you, they'll think you don't really care about their daughter
Step 4. Don't come off as lazy
Another thing that parents will not want is for their daughter to have a boyfriend without ambitions or who does not want to achieve anything in life. You don't have to be Mr. MBA, but you also don't have to talk about how much you hate studying, working, or the futility of the system. Sure you can think that way, but don't express it when you're with your girlfriend's parents, at least until you're sure they really like you. You should make them think that you will achieve something in life and that you and their daughter will make a great team.
- While it is old-fashioned to say that your girlfriend's parents will want you to be a good provider, it is fair to say that they will want to see a guy who can at least take care of himself. If you talk about how you scrounge your parents, get bad grades or how much you like to go out and drink with your friends, you will not win their affection.
- If you don't like school or work very much, talk about something that interests you a lot like playing the guitar or collecting stamps. The point is that you should give the impression of having some interest.
Part 3 of 3: Have a good conversation
Step 1. Join the conversation
The most important thing is that you act like you care about the conversations you have with your girlfriend's parents, even if you only talk about tax preparation or growing cauliflowers. Ask lots of questions, nod politely, and give them your undivided attention. Make sure to react if they try to make a joke and give the impression of being genuinely happy to be present and interested in what they have to say. This will make a difference and show them that you are a courteous young man.
- When they ask you a question, don't answer with a "yes", "no" or a two-word phrase. Take the time to come up with a response to show that you are interested.
- Even if they ask you something that can be answered with a "yes" or "no", you can give them a deeper answer. If your father says: “So you study history”, don't just stay in a “Yes…”, you could say: “I am studying history focused on Latin American studies. I've always been a fan of history…”.
Step 2. Give them your undivided attention
The most important thing will be that you put your phone away. Seriously. Stop texting your friends to make plans, stop checking your team's score on ESPN.com, and stop checking your email, as tempting as it may be. Turn it off if necessary. The last thing you want to do is annoy their parents by acting like a “cool” kid who checks his cell phone every five seconds. If you are in a restaurant and the game is in the background, too bad, you will have to miss it.
Step 3. Be as mature as you can be
It does not mean that you will have to be very formal if you are only 16, but that you should try to show that you are on the way to becoming a mature young man. Be polite, have good manners, don't use vulgar words, be polite and kind during conversation. You will be able to show them that you are mature, talk about your future plans, talk about your family with respect, avoid whining, complaining too much, and don't make any comments that make you look silly.
Remember that your girlfriend's parents, whatever your age, will want their daughter to date a man, not a boy. They will want you to be with someone who is a good influence and encourages you to grow
Step 4. Have good manners
Another important point that you will have to do when you are with your girlfriend's parents will be to show them that you have good manners. You should not go overboard and act like the British aristocracy, but you should make sure to say "please" and "thank you" at the right times, to ask other diners to pass your food to you instead of reaching out to grab it yourself, to take it out. the chair for your girlfriend to sit in (unless she and her parents are more forward-thinking about it) and not to interrupt others when they talk.
It will also be polite to know how to call your parents. This part is easy. Just call them what they want you to call them when they introduce you. If your dad says, "Call me Jaime," then you won't be afraid to call him that; however, if he introduces himself as “Mr. Sánchez”, then you will have to call him that until he tells you to do otherwise
Step 5. Avoid controversial topics
The last thing you want to do is get caught up in a debate about the political situation in Ukraine or the Catholic Church with your girlfriend's parents in the middle of what is supposed to be a nice dinner. If you know that they have very different political positions or if you just want to be polite, then you should avoid controversial topics. You won't impress anyone and will only lead to an embarrassing or awkward conversation.
- If you find the conversation getting more and more awkward because their parents disagree with your beliefs, try gently changing the subject. You could say, for example, “I may not go to church on Sundays, but I do like to watch soccer games during the day. Mr. Léon, I have heard that you are a big fan of Real Sociedad, is that true?”.
- When you get to know your girlfriend's parents more, you will be able to talk more about these topics. However, in the beginning, it is best to limit yourself to talking about safer topics, even if it is a bit boring.
Step 6. Give sincere compliments
Another way to impress your parents and act right to them is to pay them a compliment in some way. It shouldn't seem forced and you shouldn't do it too often, but a compliment at the appropriate time will help show them that you value their company and that you care about their daughter. Even if the compliment is a bit silly, they will like the fact that you make an effort. For example, you could compliment the following:
- A painting, souvenir or piece of furniture that they have at home
- The food you are going to eat (if they prepared it)
- His mother's earrings
Step 7. Be honest
Parents love honesty whatever the situation, because it will make them feel more comfortable about you being with their daughter, so always answer their questions honestly. Not only that, parents will have much more experience than you, so they will notice if you are being dishonest, no matter how good you think you are. This is not to say that you will have to be honest about absolutely everything (like how much you like to smoke weed), but you should not lie to him about the important issues, such as your education and your future plans.
Step 8. Exude confidence
Convince yourself that you are a good boy who loves his daughter very much. Try to feel safe and confident in yourself without any hint of haughtiness. Not only will it be enough to pretend that you are safe, you will also have to feel that way, but you will not be able to reflect it as well as you would like. If you want your girlfriend's parents to trust you, then you will have to trust yourself first.
Step 9. Speak directly and be frank
Make sure that when you meet their parents for the first time you maintain eye contact when talking to them. Do not look away, do not whisper or turn off. Speak confidently, show them that you have convictions and that you believe in yourself. Avoid saying “aha” too much or turning to your girlfriend when you don't know what to say. There will be nothing wrong with taking a minute to formulate your words when necessary.
Step 10. Don't look nervous
As nervous as you are, keep your head up. Don't fidget, stare around the room, or take too long to answer a question. Just take a deep breath and tell their parents what you think is appropriate. There is nothing wrong with feeling nervous, but you should make sure they don't see how you really feel. If you seem nervous, then they will think that you do not have self-confidence and that you are not prepared. Just tell yourself that if your girlfriend loves you, her parents will love you too.
- Don't be nervous about the possibility of appearing nervous! You will only make things worse.
- After all, keep in mind that if you seem a little nervous it won't be the end of the world. Your girlfriend's parents also had to experience the discomfort of meeting the parents and they will understand your situation.
Step 11. Be yourself
Don't pretend to have another personality just to earn their approval or affection. You shouldn't change for anyone just to impress. Remember that your partner chose to be with you for a good reason, and parents will be able to tell if a boy is hypocritical. There is a difference between letting them see the more mature and responsible side of you and pretending to be a completely different person. If you plan on being with your daughter for a long time, then you won't be able to pretend forever.
Advice
- Don't be fiddling. Her parents will want to see their daughter as the sweet and virginal child, so if she suddenly acts like a normal person and you can't control her hands, her parents will not like you. Never.
- Don't worry if they don't seem delighted with you right away, give them some time to get used to you.
- If you already know them, for example, let's say you and your girlfriend were good friends before you started “dating,” prepare for questioning. Moms are always curious about the lives of their daughters and want to know if they have a good partner.
- Be kind and caring, especially with her mom. Ask her if she needs help when you see her doing tasks like fetching shopping bags or emptying the trash can.
- If they seem to dislike you from the start, you will need to understand the reason for their decision. Is it your physical appearance, your reputation, a fight with your girlfriend that they have heard about or she has told them about? Any or all of these options could put you against the relationship. To get over it, the first thing you'll have to do is discover their true objection.
- Ask him about his parents beforehand, because you shouldn't sound like a fool. But on the other hand, if they aren't really that formal, you shouldn't worry about it. Just be polite and don't pretend.
- Do not exaggerate, otherwise you will appear false or self-righteous. Just be natural and courteous.
Warnings
- Don't be over the top with compliments. After a while, they will get annoying and you will seem like a charlatan.
- You appreciate how genuinely courteous and hospitable they have treated you, so treat them with kindness and respect, because they could be your future family.
- Do not be curt, abrupt or rude to their parents, do not irritate them or be in conflict with them. Remember that they are the ones who will one day give you their "blessing" if you ask their daughter for marriage in the future. You should try to refrain from offending them, because it will not suit you. You want her to treat your parents in the same way too, right?
- When you answer their questions, don't overdo it. You could give her a sign of not being the "one" for her daughter by talking too much.
- Do not control your girlfriend constantly, but do not ignore her or dedicate the time that is convenient for you. Parents will not want a boy like that for their daughters, but will want a full-fledged boy who wants the best for her and who has her as a priority in his life.