Whether or not you think your sister-in-law is "crazy" depends on what being crazy means to you. However, some of the signs that your sister-in-law does not take your needs into account are, for example, that she sends you large amounts of scandalous text messages, that she invites you to participate in gossip conversations and that she always wants to be up to date on your affairs. But more than anything, you might try to get attention when the family is together. If your sister-in-law is giving you a hard time and you want this situation to stop, learn some ways to deal with her nosy attitude, which largely depends on how you react.
Method 1 of 5: Reassure the "Drama Queen"
Step 1. Realize that you could be dealing with a drama queen
The way of acting of the sisters-in-law is complicated even in the best situations, but never so complicated if she has spent most of her life ensuring that her close family is always at her entire disposal. The drama queen uses her dramatic attitudes to draw attention to her.
- During the next family gathering, just sit back and watch. Identify your way of interacting with your family members, and how they react. If you notice that there is a lot of acceptance and conformity with her attitude, it means that she is used to getting her way.
- See what happens when she starts talking about a dramatic topic. Are your other family members rushing to agree on how outrageously expensive it is to take care of children, pay for electricity, buy shampoo, feed the dog, maintain the car, etc.? Do they confirm their complaints and add others as well? This shows that his family members share his plaintive outlook on life and that they have unfortunately become used to it. You cannot change them but you can establish a new model of life by not complaining.
- Realize what happens when you disagree with her. Does he throw tantrums as an adult and try to minimize you? Although it is important to maintain your position on the issues that interest you, if she reacts in a childish way, you will have to learn to handle these types of situations with care. Learn not to be against them but not to be in their favor (there is an interesting limit to this, but it is about recognizing your internal needs such as "listen to me", "worry about me", "help me", without having to share his view of the world).
Step 2. Don't meddle in dramatic situations
Your sister-in-law can steam out of her ears, get hot, and curse all she wants, but there's no need to share her negativity. Avoid getting into personal matters (the more outlandish the actions and reactions, the more you will get your sister-in-law to sharpen her claws to provoke you and thus refocus the general attention on her). Let it be in your own home, but don't waste your time. If the situation worsens, simply tell them that you will come back when she is a little calmer. Likewise, if this happens in your own home, tell them it's time to go (you can even fake a fake engagement or say you have to go to bed early, if you really need a decent excuse).
Method 2 of 5: How to deal with infuriating affairs
Step 1. Look at yourself first
It can be difficult to do it when someone else is provoking you, but it is important because it is your action that will define whether or not she feels that she can continue to act the same way with you. Some of the aspects that you should consider are:
- Remain silent and therefore there is a risk that he thinks you are stupid and that he can impose himself on you, or that he will suffer. Be careful, he may be happy to know that you feel that way. He will use your silence to impose his point of view at the expense of yours. If you just smile and resist the situation, it is as if you are turning into a little furry to her.
- Argue and therefore think that your brother or sister married a bitter curmudgeon who hates them, and will do whatever it takes to get between them. You could come to feel that you have a defensive attitude towards her; it's about not being interested in what she thinks and even not trying to minimize her. This does not mean that there is no room to disagree with it; you just have to try to be careful when trying to restructure their understanding.
Step 2. Set limits
State the factors on which you feel she is pressuring you, firmly and politely, and avoid sentimentality in this dialogue. If you make things clear, stick to the facts and try not to make it look like a problem, your sister-in-law will have no way out. Be aware that she may continue to resent you for expressing your opinion assertively and effectively; however, this should not deter you from making your position clear. Finally, she must learn to respect someone who does not want to argue further, who does not lose his temper and who does not bite his tongue, but is absolutely clear when it comes to setting his limits. And if she doesn't, all the other family members will realize that you have the clearest mind in the room.
For example, let's say your daughter Sheila has been running outside and fell to the ground. Your sister-in-law insists that she must go to the doctor or something terrible could happen. However, you are sure that nothing like this is going to happen and you know that you are a responsible parent, but your sister-in-law continues to pester you and exaggerate about the bad things that could happen if you do not follow her advice. Say the following very calmly: “It is very nice of you that you noticed that Sheila scratched her knee, but I am convinced that everything will be fine. This happens all the time and is the way she will learn to relate to the outside world. You don't need to go to the doctor. " And voila, it's over; there is no need to continue arguing. If your sister-in-law insists, smile and change the subject; refuse to continue talking about the same thing
Method 3 of 5: You and Your Spouse
Step 1. Talk to your spouse about your feelings
Avoid saying names, insulting or insinuating something related to your sister-in-law. On the contrary, explain your feelings to him when you have the displeasure of being in the presence of his sister. Your husband or wife cannot be short of your feelings, so you have to be clear and smart when expressing them. This will keep him apprised that you have recognized your sister-in-law's behavior for what it is, and that you have decided never to suffer the unpleasant consequences again.
For example, say, “Georgia, when your sister talks about how difficult it is for her to pay for her children's private education, I feel handicapped because she doesn't know when to stop talking. Since we can barely pay our mortgage, I feel uncomfortable with those kinds of complaints all night long. I would like to stop being in this position from now on, understanding your problems but not allowing you to keep talking about the same thing all night. I would like you to help me find other conversation topics that have nothing to do with money. Do you think you can do it?
Step 2. Ask your husband to think carefully about the way he reveals family information
Tell her that you love hearing how your sister-in-law is doing, but you don't like hearing her usual unnecessary dramas. Help him differentiate what you consider "drama" from what you consider "real news" and at the same time you will learn together to talk about less dramatic family issues in a more emotionally healthy way.
- Gently point out to your spouse when you feel like your sister-in-law is replaying her dramatic scenes at home. You could even have a special signal instead of talking every time it happens.
- Ban gossip at home (or anywhere). Whenever there is a situation slightly close to gossip, make each other aware of it and stop it. It doesn't matter if you feel like they are gossiping about something about you; you are a person old enough not to behave in the same way.
Method 4 of 5: How to Deal With Your Calls and Texts
Step 1. Avoid answering what does not deserve an answer
Don't reply to any messages that have nothing to do with a family reunion, positive messages, or something perfectly normal. If you receive messages from your sister-in-law in which she outrageously expresses the things that happen to her, her annoyance in relation to something you have done or something that has to do with gossip, ignore them and leave her thinking.
If you feel angry and want to reply to their message, don't do it. Take your anger or irritation as a sign that you should drop the subject for good. Angrily replying to messages can only end in more tension on both sides
Step 2. Keep social media relationships with your sister-in-law to a minimum in case she is provoking you excessively
If she's truly a headache and drama queen, her social media may reflect her need for attention. You could easily fall for their networks of fury and drama if you constantly check their Facebook or Twitter updates.
If he adds you as a friend, you can do several things.
- The first is to simply ignore the request. When he asks you about the topic, tell him that you don't use social networks much to talk about important things (or that you don't use them); or
- The second is to respond like this: “Thank you but no. I am not accepting applications at this time for business, privacy, work overload, etc”. You should add something like: "Also, we see each other very often and I prefer to talk to you face to face"; or
- The third option is to change your entire profile to private, so you can't see who your friends are. Either say nothing, or tell him that you stopped using social networks, or that you only have a small group of contacts that you do not want to extend at the moment. If you say you never received their application, they will simply resubmit it; But you could buy yourself enough time to give him the idea that "you're going to check it out." Refuse to talk about it again; or
- The fourth alternative is to offer him something more neutral. Offer to add her to Pinterest and only focus on her shared likes. Nothing that is fiery or daring, of course.
- Try to avoid the term "friends" when discussing why you are not accepting their request. Unfortunately, the use of this term on social media has caused many people to take it seriously. Many are actually followers or fans, but not exactly "friends". Your sister-in-law could feel devalued if you suggest that you are rejecting her as a "friend."
- If she is already a follower of one or more of your social networks, you might consider blocking her and making some of your profiles private. Or you most likely need to explain what happened (with a credible excuse). If she is a drama queen, she will not only notice but be offended.
Step 3. Be careful if you decide to go ahead and be their friend on social media or on the phone
If he is behaving in an abusive manner, it is recommended that you keep a record of it and show it to your spouse or other family member if necessary. Record messages, emails, voicemails, etc. Some drama queens tend to lash out when no one else can see them and think you won't have the courage to tell it. It's not about deliberately looking for your mistakes, but it's a way to protect yourself if something gets out of control. Either way, this has to be the last resort (if you behave appropriately in public situations involving your sister-in-law, everyone will know who is really well behaved and who is adding fuel to the fire.
Method 5 of 5: A more pleasant future in company
Step 1. Arrange them to live together
You chose your spouse, not your family. While your family is part of the package, they are not part of your intimacy as a couple and they do not share the same day-to-day life as the two of you. If you make it apparent that you are not interested in her jealousy, innuendo, rumors, or gossip, it will soon become clear to her that her pettiness, cheapness, and bad attitudes don't affect you the way they used to. Eventually, making you uncomfortable will cease to be something he enjoys and he will most likely have to (against his will) find someone else to tease and tease.
- Spend less time around your sister-in-law. On what occasions do you meet her? Although you may feel like you will have to keep putting up with her, you can find a number of ways to spend less time around her. For example, ask other members of your family to look for you at a time other than when she is around, and more often. But don't always do it, or you will have legitimate cause to complain; although the time you spend with your family does not necessarily have to include her. If you live far away and you have to visit once a year, let it be in your own home to give yourself some rest.
- Go for walks, go outside and never stay longer than you should if it is a family event that will drive you out of your boxes. Family members know how to recognize points of exasperation better than anyone, and unfortunately, some like to push them. In those cases, your sister-in-law could probably have “allies” to make the first touch. So the less time you spend around those moments of complaint, the better.
Step 2. Really listen
When you're around your sister-in-law, try to listen and understand her rather than allowing your defensive personality to take over. When she reaches the top of her mountain of complaints, instead of trying to discourage her by saying "if you think that is difficult, try to put yourself in my shoes," focus on her and try to discern what is the real reason for her complaints and gossip. Your discoveries might surprise you. In response, make neutral comments such as: “I am so sorry that you had to pay an electricity bill. It must be tough with four kids making you fulfill obligations every month. " Don't give him advice or tell him how you would solve it, and never offer to pay his debts to solve his problems. They are hers, you only listen to them.
Step 3. Be compassionate
If your sister-in-law has had a headache more than once and has even done things to affect you or bring you down, chances are she will try to do it again even if you ignore her. But if you are ready for it and are beginning to understand where their problems are coming from (insecurity, loneliness, feeling on the side, need to regain control), you can be compassionate with their actions and detach yourself from the drama at the same time. If you don't solve her problems, she will be forced to do it herself and will no longer see you as a viable target to achieve it.