Your husband's brother is such a nice boy, but you just can't seem to get his wife to like you. It would be great if everyone got along, but he refuses to give you a fair chance. He is very kind to your husband and the rest of his family. You try to bond with her, but she rejects all your attempts. She's so busy hating you for "stealing her attention." She is no longer the only daughter-in-law in the family. Now she has to share the spotlight with you, which is something she doesn't want to do. She feels that you are her competition, she is jealous and upset with you, and she will do anything to make you feel stupid and untimely. You just have to know that you haven't done anything wrong. Don't bother to kiss him from behind. Has ever been in your shoes. She has had to meet the same relatives and has had similar experiences as the newcomer when she married your brother-in-law. It's unlikely that someone has treated her the same way she's treating you, so don't blame yourself. He does not have the right to make you feel uncomfortable.
Steps
Step 1. Come to your defense
You are now part of the family. Your husband chose you as his wife. You have every right to be included as part of this new family. Building a relationship with your in-laws is very important, so make an effort to visit them often, get to know them, and give them the opportunity to get to know you. Don't let your brother-in-law's wife and her lousy attitude prevent you from becoming a member of this family. Don't be intimidated by the fact that he's been around longer than you. If you can't bear the fact that there's a new girl in the family, you're just really sorry for her. You cannot control their thoughts and feelings.
Step 2. Socialize with your brother-in-law and his wife
You and your husband should take his brother and wife out for dinner or schedule a day to go out on a double date (go bowling, watch a movie, or meet for coffee). Use the meeting as an opportunity to break the ice with your brother-in-law's wife. After all, she is your husband's "sister" and it would be nice if you could get along with each other. Let your brother-in-law and his wife see that you are a real person who has only the best of intentions. Make them aware of how important it is for everyone to get along. Be open about how it felt to become a member of this new family.
Step 3. If your new brother-in-law and his wife decline your invitation to meet for dinner, then stop trying
Give them a little time and space. You must realize that you have done all you can and that there is nothing else you can do. You can only try as long as your patience lasts. It's not fair for you to be treated that way, so don't send out any more dinner invitations. If they wish to meet with you, then allow them to come with an invitation.
Step 4. Make a decision about how to deal with it
Your brother-in-law's wife has her way by making you feel very uncomfortable. When you are with her, look away, avoid having a conversation with you, and speak ill of you behind your back. The best thing you can do is ignore this behavior for the first few months. Give her a chance to get comfortable with reality, which is that she now has to share the spotlight. If this rude behavior continues, then you can: a) ignore her, b) schedule a meeting to talk about the problem that is happening, or c) start treating her the same way she is treating you (eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth).
Step 5. Discuss all this with your husband
Let her know that you know her sister-in-law doesn't like you. Also explain how much it hurts that she goes overboard on making you feel uncomfortable. He doesn't need to “fix” the problem for you, but he might be supportive and understanding. You may try to claim that your brother's wife is so "nice" and "sweet," but explain that she behaves differently toward you. It does not behave in the same way. Hopefully your husband won't be so defensive.
Step 6. Don't let this jealous witch interfere with your chance to get to know your in-laws
You have every right to build a relationship with your mother-in-law and your father-in-law. Don't be intimidated.
Step 7. If your brother-in-law's wife continues to be uncivilized, then feel free to approach her with a stern attitude
Let him know that you know how he is feeling and that you don't like how he is approaching this situation. Let everyone in your husband's family know that they can talk to you about anything and make you feel uncomfortable is completely unnecessary.
Step 8. Defend your position
If everyone in your husband's family is purposely excluding you from family events, especially because of his sister-in-law, then introduce yourself to your husband anyway. Let them know that you are a couple and that you will not tolerate a separation.
Advice
- If the tension builds, then don't go to family gatherings for a while, even if it's a very long time. Don't waste your time and energy.
- Never be a pantyhose. Your in-laws should take the time and make a little effort to accept you. After all, you are the newest member of the family. They should go overboard in making you feel welcomed.
- Don't let anyone trample you. Do not tolerate any humiliation.
- You must understand that some women are malicious and will be cruel for no reason. Your brother-in-law's wife may react that way because she's jealous because the focus of attention is no longer just on her. You just have to know that these are their feelings and that there is nothing you can do to change them. If you have to make any changes, then you have to start from there. Your brother-in-law's wife needs to reconcile with herself. You can't force her to like you.
- Don't come between your husband and his brother. Just because the most important ladies in their lives can't get along with each other doesn't mean they have to break their ties. However, limit the amount of interaction between your husband and his brother's wife. She does not have the right to have a full relationship with him if he is going to be cruel to you. Your husband owes you nothing.
- Keep being yourself. If you have to like someone, then they will like you just the way you are. Don't try to change for anyone.
- Do not pretend. If your brother-in-law's wife is going out of line to annoy you, then it's okay to show your annoyance. Don't get caught up in your emotions. You don't have to like her just to be nice or to impress your husband.
- Understand that your mother-in-law might feel nervous to treat you the same way as her other daughter-in-law. He doesn't want to leave anyone out. Invite her out for coffee so you can have a private conversation with her. It is important that she gives you the opportunity to get to know her, and vice versa.
Warnings
- Jealousy is a disease and some people are never cured. Don't be surprised if your brother-in-law's wife never likes you.
- Never pretend to be happy or feel good when someone is going out of line to upset you. Show your anger and outrage.
- You cannot control the actions of anyone except your own.
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Say what you think.
Be yourself ** In the end, take it as a compliment. You really have to be a great person for her to be jealous of you and upset to see you happy. I am nine years old with my husband and my sister-in-law still goes crazy when something has to do with me, but now everyone sees her as crazy
- Defend yourself.