Have you been dating your boyfriend for a while, but haven't introduced him to your kids? While it may be uncomfortable at first, it is important that you be honest with someone you are dating about your life and your children. In this article you will find some ways to prepare your boyfriend to introduce him to your children.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Finding the Right Time
Step 1. Wait to introduce your children
After you've dated him for about six months and you've considered this to be a more exclusive relationship, consider introducing him to your children. However, talking about them ahead of time will help set the mood for when you meet them.
- Naturally during this time, the conversation you have with your children should vary, depending on their ages (which will be covered later in this article).
- Avoid doing it too early. You better be sure you have a strong connection before it feels like "part of the family." The same is true of possibly presenting it to your parents. Meeting too soon can be uncomfortable.
- Consider waiting six months to a year before introducing your children to a new boyfriend. They may not be ready to see a possible “father figure” if it is less time. The contact between your boyfriend and your children should gradually increase over time.
Step 2. Talk to your boyfriend and your kids beforehand
Everyone should be aware that they will meet soon. Allow both parties to ask you questions before the scheduled day.
- Your boyfriend and your kids may be worried about meeting each other. Both adults and children can sometimes feel uncomfortable meeting new people, no matter the circumstances. Give them help and reassurance.
- Avoid assuming that your boyfriend falls in love with your children immediately or the other way around. Control your expectations.
- Consider saying, “I know it might be strange at first, but I hope you meet my kids next week. What do you think?".
Step 3. Create a moderate group environment for them to get to know each other
You don't have to be busy or on a long weekend trip to get to know each other for the first time. Avoid possible places or events that cause high degrees of stress and that could exhaust them. Consider the following options:
- have a barbecue in the garden with your children and friends
- go to a park with a playground in the afternoon
- have a family dinner at home on a Wednesday
Step 4. Avoid giving too much importance to the presentation
While it may seem distressing to you, try not to make it a big deal to your boyfriend or your kids. It may take time for things to flow naturally. Don't be too hard on yourself. Keep the first visit short and increase the time for subsequent visits little by little. In this way, the anxiety on both sides will not get the best of you sooner or later or cause the visit to spoil.
- She looks calm and collected.
- Respect that it may take a while for your boyfriend to get used to your children and vice versa. Developing a friendship and a relationship takes time.
- Consider preparing a couple of neutral topics that everyone can talk about to relieve them of the pressure of having a conversation. Keep in mind what interests both parties and avoid any topic that can cause tension, such as politics.
Part 2 of 3: Find out what your children's opinion is
Step 1. Be aware of the age of your children when you introduce them
Young children may not understand what a dating relationship is. They may see your boyfriend as someone to play with and have fun with. An older child (11 or 12 years old) may be more aware of the relationship that you and your partner have.
- If your kids are over 12 years old, consider talking to them about your boyfriend in some way. You can talk to them about it before they meet in person.
- If your children are very young (if they are 4 years old or younger), they may not interact much with your partner other than just to play, which is fine.
Step 2. Introduce your boyfriend directly
Don't make it uncomfortable by trying too hard. If you share about him too soon, you may confuse your kids and your boyfriend about what's really going on.
- If they are young children, you can introduce them to your boyfriend as your "friend." Young children have a limited understanding of relationships on a romantic level. Keep a simple tone when introducing.
- In the case of having teenage children, you must be direct and make the presentations mentioning their names. Keep the conversation light. If your older children have questions, allow them to share their feelings after the meeting is over.
- You don't have to explicitly mention that your boyfriend is "your boyfriend" or "your special friend."
Step 3. Allow them to act as usual
When they meet your boyfriend, let your children act normal as they would your friends or family. Don't make them act strange or different from what they are used to.
- Don't get your boyfriend greeted or dismissed with a hug. Shaking hands is appropriate. You must make your children feel safe in their personal space. Let them decide when to be ready to show affection.
- Giving your boyfriend a false impression of who you are or what your children are like can make it even more difficult for him to trust you and see you as you really are.
- Allow you, your children, and your boyfriend to interact naturally.
- Provide reassurance for your children if they seem worried after meeting your partner.
Part 3 of 3: Being honest with your boyfriend
Step 1. Be honest
It is important that you be honest when you are dating someone, especially if you have children. After a few dates, it should come as no surprise to that person to learn that you have children. You don't have to talk long and hard about them, but be honest and tell them that they are part of your life.
- Be calm and clear about your situation and that you have children. While it can be difficult to tell a new boyfriend, it can be very difficult if you start a relationship on the wrong foot.
- Rest assured that there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are a single mother. This shows that you are strong and that you are good at raising them.
Step 2. Listen to what your boyfriend thinks of your children
Find out what he thinks of them. Likes? Do you have children too? Do you enjoy doing family activities? If you are looking to have a long-term relationship with your boyfriend, you need to really listen to how he responds.
- Observe how he interacts with children in public. Do they seem to irritate you?
- Watch her body language when she talks about children. Do you seem nervous or excited when you talk about being with them?
- Think about how often you interact with children now. If you don't have children, you may interact a little with some. Some people who have less experience with children enjoy being with them.
Step 3. Find out if it's a long-term relationship
If you've been dating for a couple of months or more, you may want to find out what their (or your) intentions are. Do you want to have a long-term relationship? If so, you need to find out if he feels the same way. Know that your children are part of the pack and that knowing them is important.
- Think about whether they have the same values regarding family and children.
- Do you see him in one or five years?
- If you feel that your relationship is somewhat casual, you may be less inclined to tell him that you have children. However, if you become more exclusive, think about what the next step in your relationship means for both of you.