Possibly any parent would agree that children and stubbornness always go together like peanut butter and jelly. Children are usually very stubborn during the period from infancy to adolescence, but this attitude can arise at any age. In some cases, it is part of the personality of the person, and your role as a parent is to teach him to control it. In other cases, it is simply a matter of testing the limits and asserting your freedom. Sometimes the child has trouble expressing something that is happening to him. Teaching him to express himself and deal with his stress in a healthy way is essential to providing him with an effective education. Stay calm, listen and understand your child, and make sure you set a good example of healthy behavior.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Discipline Infants and Children Who Cannot Speak Yet
Step 1. Understand infants and toddlers
The first three years of life are a critical period in development, as the baby's brain is constantly growing and learning, storing information that it will use for the rest of its life. While babies may appear stubborn or mischievous, this behavior is part of the natural process of learning cause and effect.
For example, if you tend to say "no" or make an angry face every time your baby does something unwanted, she may keep repeating this behavior to see if your reaction is always the same. By varying your answer, the child will perceive that he will not always receive what he wants and will experience new behaviors
Step 2. Modify the environment
If your baby insists on touching the same breakable object every day or refuses to stay away from kitchen cabinets, instead of punishing and disciplining him, rearrange the house to make it safe and accessible to him. After all, he lives in the house too and will learn more as he can explore the environments.
- Babies learn through exploration, and they are not naughty at getting into trouble. Remove the breakables and make the house "baby proof" rather than trying to control all of the child's normal learning behaviors. Read this helpful wikiHow article to find information on how to make your home safer for your children.
- As your baby grows, you will discover new areas that need to be more secure. This is part of structuring your environment so that you feel safe and can learn and play safely. It is important that you adapt the house before the child can move on his own, that is, around 9 or 10 months of age.
Step 3. Get used to saying "yes."
Most babies spend their days hearing their parents say "no," "no," and "no," and rarely doing the things they want. After making your home safe, make an effort to say "yes" whenever it is safe and possible. In this way, the baby will take responsibility for his learning and will be able to explore the things that are interesting to him.
Allow the child to spend time outside the house doing arts or crafts, or jumping in the bathtub as much as possible. Creative and physical activities will help you expend energy and you will be able to sleep better. As a result, you will be more compliant and less stubborn
Step 4. Redirect the baby's attention
In the event that he is preparing to do the wrong thing, call him by name and redirect his attention to a toy or distraction he enjoys. Keep an arsenal of items close by to grab their attention at any time.
For example, when you leave home, bring your favorite book, snack, or small toy with you. Keep the item hidden until you need it. If you and your child are at a friend or relative's house, and you see the baby walking towards an electrical wire, call him by name and ask if he wants to play with his ball. This distraction may well get your attention and change your behavior
Step 5. Teach him to be careful
One of the most common misbehaviors of infants and toddlers is biting, hitting, and kicking. Often they do it to observe the reaction of others, not to hurt them. Therefore, it is important that you teach him to interact with people safely.
- When the baby hits you, take the hand he used, look him in the eye and say "We don't hit each other. We are careful." Then, still holding her hand, use her to touch the spot where she hit you (be it your arm, your face, etc.) to show her the difference between hitting and light tapping. Use the same technique to teach him to interact with animals and smaller babies safely.
- You can also try reading a simple book that teaches child-friendly behaviors.
Method 2 of 4: Discipline Children and Tweens
Step 1. Think of discipline as teaching
Instead of simply pointing out the negative consequences of a behavior (punishment), disciplining is a way of transforming wrong behavior into a learning moment. When a child refuses to cooperate or repeats the same misbehavior, the goal should be to teach him to cooperate and not to repeat this unwanted behavior.
The consequences of bad behavior should not be arbitrary or punitive. You need to connect them with your behavior. For this reason, leaving a stubborn child sitting for a while as a form of discipline does not work very well. Sitting has nothing to do with negative behavior, and is more like punishment than consequence or disciplinary action. If you can't figure out how to create a consequence, you can take away a privilege, but try to teach him a lesson that connects his choice with lost profits. For example, if your child plays video games for longer than agreed, the consequence may be to lose the privilege of playing with his friends that night. This makes sense, since you won't have time to play with your friends
Step 2. Be firm about the consequences
If you tell him that a behavior will have a certain consequence, be sure to keep your word. Do not make vain threats, since the child will learn that you will not always comply with what you say and, in the worst case, that you are a liar.
- If you tell him that he has to tidy up his room before going to a friend's house, don't give in if he doesn't meet the requirement you've set. The key is to be consistent!
- Since consistency is very important, you should never create a consequence that you cannot maintain. The ideal is not to define it at the moment, since you could get frustrated. For example, if you need to say "If you do that one more time, I'm going to …", you are probably already frustrated and may overreact. Instead, define the limits in advance. If you know that she is likely to keep leaving the table at dinner, since she tends to behave this way, tell her that you want her to stay in her chair and inform her of the consequences before eating. For example, you can tell him that his food will run out or that he will not be able to have dessert.
Step 3. Create routines
Structure and predictability are important for children and tweens as it helps them know what to expect in every situation and avoid unwanted disturbances during the day. Establish daily and weekly routines so you know what to expect. In addition, consistent daily structures will allow you to improve your behavior and school performance.
- Define and enforce strict times for going to bed and getting up every day. Make sure they get enough sleep, as lack of sleep is linked to behavior problems. Children between the ages of 3 and 12 need 10 to 12 hours of sleep every day (including naps), but most are reluctant to nap or sleep, no matter how much they need it. In the event that your child is usually in a bad mood or exhibits unwanted behaviors at bedtime, this could be a sign that he is not getting enough rest.
- Let him know if you need to modify his routine, but make sure that everything will return to normal as soon as possible.
Step 4. Pay attention to your answers
Many stubborn children and tweens are very sensitive and can pick up on attitude and tone of voice when disciplined. Therefore, they may mimic your behaviors, such as rolling their eyes, sighing, yelling, or getting irritated.
- It is normal to feel frustration or even anger when dealing with a stubborn child. The secret is to control the emotions and not allow them to influence the way you interact with the child.
- Pay attention to the kinds of things that bother you when dealing with your child. You may be easily angered when he makes a major mess, responds to you, or doesn't obey. The most frustrating things are usually those that you can't control. Dealing with your own problems - related to work, childhood, and other types of relationships like your marriage - can help you react more positively to your child.
Step 5. Learn to negotiate
In the past, parents never gave in to children's demands because they feared that this could cause children to lose respect or forget who was in charge. Today, psychologists recognize that children need to feel that they have some level of control over their lives, and parents should not dominate all of their children's decisions. When the choice itself does not affect the health or safety of the child, but is a matter of judgment or preference, let him decide.
For example, you might want him to wear formal and appropriate attire when leaving the house, but he has a different idea of what is comfortable and stylish. He thinks that the important thing is that he is dressed. Therefore, choose your battles wisely in situations that are not so important and that may give you a little of the control that you feel is lacking
Step 6. Understand prepuberty
During the period between 10 and 11 years, boys begin to experience hormonal changes that lead to puberty. These disturbances cause emotional outbursts, sudden and unexpected change in behavior, and sometimes isolation.
- During this phase, children often test the limits of their own independence. This is normal and healthy behavior during personality development, as frustrating as it can be for parents used to controlling their children's lives. It is important to allow your child to feel in control of certain decisions that affect him. So, let him help you plan the weekly menu or choose his own haircut.
- Remember that, above all things, your child is a unique person. Stubbornness is just one part of your complex personality, and this could even be a positive trait. Teach him to defend himself and his friends, not to follow bad influences, and to always do the right thing. Stubbornness could be a factor in helping you grow into a healthy adult.
Method 3 of 4: Disciplining a Teen
Step 1. Understand puberty
Adolescents experience great hormonal changes, a significant level of stress in their interpersonal lives due to passions or romances, friendship problems and bullying, as well as a greater sense of independence. Unfortunately, emotional maturity is not fully formed, and the brain is still developing to be able to understand the long-term consequences of its actions. These factors create a volatile environment for parents of teens, who often have a hard time dealing with often rebellious and stubborn attitudes.
Puberty is a process that lasts many years, it is not a unique experience. It usually begins between the ages of 10 and 14 for girls, and between 12 and 16 years for boys. During this stage, changes in behavior occur in both genders
Step 2. Clearly define limits and consequences
As with young children and preteens, teens learn best in an environment with well-defined expectations and limits for behavior. As much as many teens test their parents' limits, they need a level of consistency from their parents. Create and enforce family rules with clear consequences.
- Allow your child to weigh in on the rules and consequences, and be sure to put them in writing. This will make him feel that you are taking his opinion into account and that he is able to control his own behavior. For example, if you use your cell phone too much and exhaust your data package, the consequence could be that you pay your bill or that you cannot use your cell phone the following week.
- Be consistent, but be willing to make changes, if necessary. If you set rules and consequences that don't work for the family, sit down with your child and discuss other options. Also, try to be flexible with the rules from time to time, in case your child is responsible and respectful. For example, you can give them permission to attend an event that ends late.
Step 3. Take a break
Adolescence can be very difficult for parents' emotions. Teens' volatile and emotional behavior can cause children to say things to hurt their loved ones to get a reaction from you. However, yelling at others or losing control of your emotions is counterproductive when disciplining a teenager.
- Prepare your answers in advance. In the event that your teen starts saying hurtful things during arguments, prepare a response ahead of time to avoid saying something that could hurt him. For example, you can say, "What you said was very hurtful. Let's take a break to discuss it again when we are calmer."
- Remove yourself from the situation if necessary. If you feel overwhelmed, tell him that you need to take a break and that you will come back later to continue talking. Make sure to pick up the dialogue again and sit down to talk with your child when you are calmer. In this way, the adolescent will understand that you do not let problems go by.
Step 4. Seek help to deal with destructive behaviors
In the event that the adolescent is not only stubborn, but also harms himself or others, it is essential that you seek professional help.
A psychologist will be able to determine the best treatment for a self-destructive or troubled adolescent, who may be exhibiting the initial symptoms of depression or some other mental disorder
Method 4 of 4: Understand the discipline
Step 1. Learn to differentiate punishment from discipline
A parent's job is not just to control their child's daily behavior, but to raise a healthy, successful, and caring adult. Discipline should be a way of teaching him to control his own behaviors, so that one day he can do it on his own.
- Punishing is using painful and unpleasant words or experiences in order to curb unwanted behavior. Punishments can be physical, such as spanking, emotional, or verbal, such as telling him that he is stupid or that you don't love him, or imposing penalties or withdrawing certain rewards. Physical and emotional punishments are cruel, and they will teach him that you are not a trustworthy person and that he does not deserve your attention. In many cases, physical and emotional punishment represent child abuse or maltreatment that may be illegal. NEVER use these physical and emotional punishments with your children.
- Punishing a child or adolescent for breaking the rules is not an effective way to teach life lessons. Instead, your child will end up developing bitterness towards you as the executor of grief and, in some cases, this could backfire, becoming even more rebellious.
- On the other hand, discipline will allow you to learn life lessons by teaching you to solve problems, cooperate with others, and achieve your goals and the things you want in the right way.
Step 2. Understand the role of the family environment
A tense, stressful or volatile environment can contribute to the development of behavior problems in children, who often imitate the behavior of their siblings and parents, and who often feel a lack of control when their family environment is conflictive.
- Very noisy and crowded houses, characterized by general disorder and chaos, often cause children to develop behavioral problems, including hyperactivity and inattention.
- Similarly, children who are going through stressful situations (such as a move, the birth of a sibling, or the separation or divorce of their parents) are more likely to have behavior and school performance problems. These children often "misbehave" by being defiant and stubborn.
- It is very important to deal with the environmental factors that contribute to your children's behavior in order for disciplinary methods to work. After all, even if you successfully discipline him today, if the factors that are causing the problems are still present the next day, the problem will persist.
Step 3. Learn to differentiate the personality of bad behavior
Some children are more stubborn by nature than others, with personalities that predispose them to need more control over their own lives. Other children are obedient, but may misbehave to get their parents' attention or because of other frustrations in their lives. Determine the origin of their behavior so that you can better deal with it.
- Stubborn children by nature respond better to consistency and less to long, detailed explanations about what they have done and why that is wrong. They usually misbehave to get a reaction. So stay calm and don't act the way your child wants.
- Extreme cases of stubbornness, anger, and sudden mood swings can indicate an underlying mental disorder, such as oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). Treatments include therapy and possibly medications to treat the chemical changes that cause flare-ups.
Step 4. Learn to ask "Why?
". A stubborn behavior can arise at any age from physical and emotional problems, or as a result of some external problem that he may suffer. Your child may feel helpless, sad, exhausted, hungry, or frustrated. If he is being stubborn, ask him if there is a problem, and pay attention to his response. These are some aspects to keep in mind:
- The physical growth stage can be very upsetting at all ages. For example, the birth of teeth can be very painful for young children, as well as pain in the legs or even in the stomach or head during the growth phase.
- Children often sleep less than they need. Some studies have shown that children can behave like the walking dead, and other research claims that emotional regulation can be impaired even after a poor night's sleep.
- Physical needs, such as thirst or hunger, can cause a child of any age to adopt difficult and stubborn behavior, as their body and mind need fuel to be able to perform well in certain situations.
- Children can often appear stubborn when they cannot meet their emotional needs or when they are frustrated at not knowing how to express their feelings.
Advice
- Identify when it's time to walk away. If a stubborn child refuses to wear a coat when it's really cold, let it go. After all, you will feel cold and learn that it is necessary to wear a coat during winter. Just be sure to take the coat with you for when he learns on his own that he should wear it.
- If your child is strangely stubborn, talk to him and find out if he has any problems at school or at home that may be causing this behavior.
- Let it be part of the definition of house rules. By being able to organize and establish how to do things, it is very possible that you will collaborate more.