If you want to take your relationship to the next level, you can ask your boyfriend if he wants to get married. If you think they could, plan a romantic marriage proposal that makes your boyfriend feel valued. Define the basics and choose a place and time to propose. Keep your intentions a secret until the big day arrives. When the time comes, you should relax and ask the question. If he refuses, they will have to deal with the setback as a couple.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Picking the Basics
Step 1. Make sure she is ready for marriage
Before opting to propose to her, you will need to make sure she considers this option. You shouldn't spoil the surprise, but you will at least have to make sure that she is interested in getting married. Include marriage in your conversations to determine if it is a good idea for you to propose.
- You can mention it directly. For example, you can say something like "Do you think we'll ever get married?"
- When discussing marriage, you should bring up the subject of the proposal. Say something like, "Do you like the idea of having a formal proposal?" Some people prefer to commit as a couple.
- Talk to a close friend of your boyfriend to determine if he has ever brought up the idea of getting married.
Step 2. Discover what your dream commitment would be like
See if he wants to make a surprise commitment, if he wants you to propose it or if he would prefer to talk before the topic. You can bring it up casually long before you propose so that you both know each other's opinion.
- You could say something like "What do you imagine when you look engaged?" or "Do you have any friends with wonderful engagement stories?"
- If you think your boyfriend wouldn't like a traditional surprise engagement, come up with ways that the two of you could celebrate the occasion together. For example, he might want you both to choose engagement rings together.
Step 3. Put an unexpected twist on what your boyfriend wants
Reflect on what your boyfriend might want in relation to the proposal. They may have brought the subject up before, so you should try to respect their wishes, but give a little unexpected twist to the situation. This will help keep the surprise and add something extra to your boyfriend's dream proposal. This can be very pleasant if the proposal is not entirely surprising. For example, if you have agreed to get engaged in a certain period, your boyfriend could be waiting for you to propose.
- For example, perhaps you've always dreamed of committing to a romantic vacation. Take him on a trip, but don't propose during the trip. Instead, ask the question on the plane on the way to your destination.
- Perhaps she has admitted that she would like you to propose to her at the coffee shop where you met. Instead of just proposing to him there, you can surprise him by having a group of friends wait for them holding a sign that says "Will you marry me?"
Step 4. Pick a location
First determine where you would like to propose. Reflect on what your boyfriend would want and find a place that is special and important to both of you. Is there a place that has been or is special to both of you? You can also define your boyfriend with a couple of words to get an idea of what might be appropriate for him (as a traveler, adventurer, romantic, philosophical, etc.). This can be helpful in narrowing down the options to identify something that is important to him.
- Would you like a proposal in public or private? If they want something private, think of a special place where you can propose it to them without anyone seeing them. You can do it at home and decorate it with objects such as candles and photographs of the two. They can also go somewhere private, such as a secluded hiking trail that they have traveled on their dates.
- If your boyfriend wouldn't mind you proposing to him in public, reflect on the public places that you both enjoy. You could do it at the coffee shop where they had their first date. If you dream of being proposed in front of your friends and family, ask him to marry you at a dinner with his friends.
Step 5. Pick the right time
Keep in mind the important dates. You can choose a date that is important to both of you. For example, you can propose to her on her birthday or anniversary. You can also choose a day that is consistent with your future plans. For example, if they already want to be engaged for their cousin's marriage, which will be in March, you can propose it one day in January or February.
Keep a unique date in mind if you want something memorable. Instead of choosing your anniversary, you can choose another important date. For example, propose to her on the anniversary of the day they adopted a kitten
Step 6. Determine if they want a ring
Do you think your boyfriend would prefer an engagement ring? Many modern marriage proposals no longer use a ring; However, if you think your boyfriend would like to have one, you can find one in his size.
- If they don't want to wear rings, keep in mind that many people choose other objects as symbols of a marriage proposal. You can buy another piece of jewelry (like a watch) or just a gift to commemorate the occasion. If you come up with an important gift that they would value highly (like the musical instrument they've always wanted), you can give it to them.
- You can use the gift to propose to her. For example, put up a sign that says "Will you marry me?" on the guitar you bought for him.
Part 2 of 4: Coping with potential stigmas
Step 1. Consider what your boyfriend thinks about tradition
According to tradition, men propose to women with rings. Many people believe that men will do it when they are ready and that women will have to wait, and that violating this tradition is inappropriate. If you are a woman and you are proposing to a man, this means that you are breaking tradition a bit. Determine how much your boyfriend would mind you taking the initiative.
- Many worry that this will detract from their boyfriends' authority or pressure them to do something prematurely. If your boyfriend is really ready to marry and is not that faithful to traditional gestures, you can probably propose to him without any problem.
- However, if he or his family is more attached to tradition, they should talk about it. Ask him what he thinks about the woman proposing to the man, so you can evaluate his possible reactions. You can also consider his attitude around gender roles and determine if he is more faithful to traditions or if he has a more open view around marriage proposals.
Step 2. Reflect on how to adapt the custom as needed
The engagement is celebrated after a traditional conversation. The man will propose to the woman, usually with a ring. If you have a partner of the same sex as yours or if you are a woman proposing to a man, there won't be many customs and traditions that you should follow. Reflect on how you can modify the custom for your situation.
- There is nothing wrong with giving a man a ring to propose to him. You can choose one that has her style and follow the tradition by kneeling down to propose. However, some men do not like jewelry. You can give him another object or propose it to him without any at all.
- One of the benefits of non-traditional proposals is a lower expectation. See it as a positive, rather than a negative. You can use your own words and propose on your terms.
Step 3. Accept that you might be nervous
Most people get nervous before proposing. However, you may feel additional anxiety if you are going to break custom or tradition. Approach the situation keeping in mind that you will be a little restless. Remember why you made this decision, so you will stay calm.
- If your boyfriend's family is faithful to tradition and makes you nervous, think about how happy both of you will be after you propose. This is the decision that both of you will make to spend the rest of your lives together. Also, when they are alone and enjoying their commitment, the criticism or stigma will have decreased.
- Practice what you want to say several times until you know it by heart, and remember to keep breathing easy when you say these words.
Step 4. Prepare for a wide variety of reactions
Any marriage proposal will cause various reactions. However, in the case of a non-traditional proposal, you could perceive even more mixed reactions. Some will be surprised that you are the one who proposed to your boyfriend and others will support you for breaking tradition. If you decide to communicate your commitment, you will need to prepare for a variety of comments.
- People have more mixed opinions on non-traditional proposals than on those that follow custom. Some will be positive, as many like people to break tradition, but other comments will be confusing and judgmental. Remember that you have made the right decision for you and your boyfriend.
- Some comments could be offensive. For example, if you have a partner of the same sex as yours, people might think that the one who proposed marriage is more dominant or masculine. You can correct people if they say something hurtful. For example, say something like "My boyfriend and I have a fair relationship, I just came up with a great idea for the proposal before he did."
- Prepare in advance what you might say if someone says something hurtful to you. This will help you feel more confident if someone says something hurtful to you. Also remember that you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. You can ignore rude comments or provide short answers.
Step 5. Acknowledge that the decision is yours
Don't forget that you have made this decision for the good of your relationship. Even if there are external criticisms, you have done what you considered right for your boyfriend and for yourself. They will both be happy and spend the rest of their lives together. This is what matters, not the outside criticism you receive.
Part 3 of 4: Propose Successful Marriage
Step 1. Set up the environment
Determine how you want everything to look. Discuss your ideas with a friend to help ensure that you haven't overlooked anything. You can also ask your friends to help you carry out the proposal. If you can control the environment, adapt it as much as you can. Keep in mind that you will not be able to control everything, but you can make things resemble what you have in mind.
- If you are going to propose at home, you can set the scene very easily. You can dim the lights and light candles. You can also place ornaments, such as photos of you and your boyfriend.
- If you are going to propose it in public, you will have less control of the environment. However, there are some steps you can take to get the environment you want. If you are proposing to her on a hiking trip, walk at the appropriate time of day to reach your destination just as the sun goes down. If you are going to do it in a restaurant or a cafeteria, try to get the right table.
Step 2. Show him the ring or item of your choice, if you are going to wear one
If you are proposing with a ring or other object, you will need to find a way to show it off. You can hide it in your pocket or purse, and take it out when you're ready. If they will be in a restaurant or cafe, you can have the waiter bring the ring in a drink or food. You can present other objects in a clever way, but this will depend on what the object is.
- For example, if you bought her a nice watch, you can make her close her eyes and place it on her wrist.
- If you are going to give her a ring, come up with a fun way to show it to her. For example, you can leave clues at his house that will lead him to the ring.
Step 3. Ask him the big question
You can keep things simple. Look him in the eye and tell him how much you love and value him. Then say something like "Will you marry me?"
Some prefer to propose through a letter. You can write a short love letter and deliver it to her. Write "Will you marry me?" in the end
Step 4. Accept the rejection with kindness
Sometimes things will not go according to plan. If your boyfriend rejects your proposal, don't consider it the end of the relationship. There are reasons why a person might not want to get married, some of which could be due to practical problems. For example, your boyfriend may want to wait until they have a more stable financial situation. If he says no, talk about it calmly and figure out how to proceed from there.
- Remember they don't have to talk about it right away. You can take some time alone, just be sure to pick up the conversation later.
- Keep in mind that you would rather marry your boyfriend when he is really ready, rather than agree to just to make you happy. It's best to think about it first to make sure you really want it.
Part 4 of 4: Keeping it a Secret
Step 1. Tell a few close friends
It can be helpful to have people help you with your plans. This will be very important if you need someone to take your boyfriend to the right place at the right time. However, if you want to keep it as a surprise, you should only tell as few people as possible. Only tell a small group of friends who you know can keep a secret.
Step 2. Keep him distracted
In the weeks leading up to the proposal, you'll need to keep your boyfriend distracted to catch him off guard. Find ways you can keep him busy so he won't notice that you are focused on planning something.
- Try to encourage him to try new things. You can even do it with him if this doesn't get in the way of your plans. For example, attend a cooking class together or start a new exercise routine.
- Get your friends to help. Ask your friends to know about the proposal to hang out with your boyfriend more often in the weeks leading up to the big day.
Step 3. Make excuses
Your boyfriend might feel that there is something wrong; therefore, you must be ready to appease their suspicions with stories. Come up with ways to justify unusual behaviors. For example, if you are going to go shopping for rings, have your friends tell you that they are going shopping with you.
Step 4. Don't plan too long
Try to minimize the time you spend planning the proposal. The longer you plan, the more suspicious your boyfriend will be about the situation. Only plan the proposal for 1 or 2 weeks before asking the important question. This will avoid stress, as a proposal should be a fun event that celebrates your relationship.