One of the most stressful events in a person's life is moving. Doing so can become even more challenging if your spouse does not want to move, especially if you are fully determined to take this step. However, you don't have to give up on your dream. You can increase the chances that your spouse will agree to consider moving by preparing for the conversation, discussing the pros and cons, and then trying to come up with a plan together.
Method 1 of 3: Plan the conversation
Step 1. Wait for the right moment
Scheduling is important in life, especially if you want to talk to your spouse about something they may not want to do. Try to find a time when you are both relaxed, calm and in a good mood, and not stressed. A weekend when both are without the pressure of work is the ideal time.
- The best time to broach the subject is when you are alone. Trying to convince your spouse to do something when they are in a group or when other people are around can give the impression that you are trying to target them and get them to agree so that they are not embarrassed in front of others. Your spouse is likely to become defensive and even feel betrayed. Instead, start the conversation while you're having a nice dinner or relaxing on the couch.
- You can say something like, “Can we have dinner tonight? There is something I would like to discuss with you”.
- If your spouse loves soccer and there is a great game that night, then it might be a good idea to talk the next day. Pick a time when no one is distracted and they can focus.
Step 2. Do your research
Consider why moving out of the area would be a good idea for your spouse. Try to find outlets that work for your spouse. Having this information handy when you bring up the subject could help convince your partner to move out.
Maybe he doesn't like the climate where they currently live and your ideal location has one that you think he might like. Jobs may also be better in that area
Step 3. Write your thoughts
You can start a conversation feeling prepared, but if you receive opposition from your spouse, you may forget about all your mental preparation. To avoid this, write down the reasons you have for wanting to move. Your notes can serve as a checklist of topics you want to touch on during the conversation.
It may be helpful to write down your spouse's responses to each of your topics. Doing so will allow you to get back on the list and think of possible solutions to your spouse's concerns for when they have another conversation about moving again
Method 2 of 3: Evaluate the Advantages and Disadvantages Together
Step 1. Talk about the advantages of the situation
After you've thought a lot about your reasons for wanting to move, you should talk to your spouse. You sure have good reasons for wanting to move. Being open with your partner about those reasons could influence their thinking. However, be careful not to act as if your idea is the only option when stating your reasons, as doing so could cause your partner to become discouraged and not allow any negotiation.
- Make sure to mention all the advantages you can think of. These may include better schools, being closer to family or friends, or living in a safer neighborhood. If you want to move to a smaller house, mention that their mortgage or rent will likely be cheaper each month, that they will pay less for utilities, and that they may not have to do a lot of yard work.
- If you and your spouse have long-term goals, discuss how moving can help you achieve your goals. For example, paying a lower mortgage can help them save for early retirement, or moving closer to family members can mean that they help care for their children, saving them money on daycare and babysitting.
Step 2. Talk about the downsides
If you want your spouse to have an open mind about what you want, you also need to have one, which includes recognizing the potential downsides of moving. Let your spouse voice their concerns without arguing or interrupting. Maybe your spouse wants to stay where they are for sentimental reasons, or they don't want to have to go through the stress of selling and buying a home. These are valid reasons for wanting to stay. Showing that you understand that moving has its drawbacks could help your spouse realize that you are willing to listen and accept their doubts, and not demand that they do what you want.
No one wants to feel that they are not being heard or that their opinion does not matter. Assuring your spouse that you understand the reasons why he is reluctant to move will show that you support him. This generally leaves open the possibility to discuss the matter in the future, rather than your spouse closing out immediately
Step 3. Solve the problem
Once you've listened to your spouse's concerns, find out if you can address and resolve the issues together. If you've done your research, this may be easier. For example, your spouse may be concerned about crime in the new neighborhood. Having the statistics on the safety of the area can solve the problem. It may also help to take a break and discuss the topic of the move with people outside the relationship, such as friends and family, who can provide a unique perspective.
- For example, if your spouse is nervous about walking away from their parents, you can say, “I understand that you are reluctant to move because you don't want to be away from your parents. I think we can reach an agreement so that you can help them when they need it even if we don't live as close as we used to. " Then work on a plan together that includes moving out and also doing whatever your partner wants to do.
- This will show your partner that you are listening and that you take their concerns seriously.
Method 3 of 3: Come to an Agreement Together
Step 1. Involve your spouse in planning
Maybe your partner doesn't want to move because they don't want to feel left out of the decision-making process. You can prevent it by including it in all planning. Getting him involved will not only help you feel like you have a voice in the situation, but it can also get you excited about the move.
Look at a few houses together, explore neighborhoods, and choose options for the layout. You may find that moving is better if you see what the houses and the area are like
Step 2. Take a test
If you want to move to a new city, state, or even country, plan a vacation there. Being immersed in the area can help your spouse change his mind when he sees what the new environment has to offer. Choose activities that highlight the location and find things your partner likes. Planning your trip in advance to include what your spouse likes could make a difference.
If possible, rent an apartment in the new location for a few months. This will give your spouse a real idea of what it would be like to move there. You may find that your partner likes that place because of this or even discover that you would rather not move after living there
Step 3. Commit to something
If you still can't come to an agreement, at least try to compromise on something. Suggest renting the house for a year and moving to your ideal location until the lease ends. If your spouse is still not happy, make an offer to go home. However, if your partner is willing to move for you, you should keep your word and move again if they don't like the new location.